Sheath Your Excalibur With A Commemorative Royal Wedding Condom

Royal wedding themed condoms: for those special times when Harry Potter: Protect Your Wand condoms would be too undignified.

Picture this: it’s a special night with your special man. You’ve spent the last hour feeding each other shepherd’s pie and listening to your mix tape of Oasis and the Spice Girls, and the hour of copulation is nigh. What better way to say “I love you, but I’m worried you might be my cousin and also I don’t want your impending Norman Conquest to leave behind unsightly sores or a fetal pretender to the throne” than a William & Kate themed condom?

I wish this product the greatest commercial success, and envision future William & Kate themed products designed to come into contact with my genitals. Royal wedding themed lube, so that my vaginal viscosity can be reminiscent of centuries of oppression (both flavorless and Earl Grey and biscuit flavored, for the more sexually adventurous). Will and Kate themed yeast infection cream, because while a yeast infection, like a royal wedding, can seem like a big deal while it’s going on, you’ll forget about it in a few months. And finally, Prince William & Princess Kate commemorative tampons, to fulfill the wishes of William’s father Charles, who wanted to be a tampon so very much.