Michael Roach and Christie McNally have sort of the opposite of an "open marriage": Never separated by more than fifteen feet...they do not fuck. They breathe in unison, thanks to all the yoga — "We are always inhaling at the same moment and we are always exhaling at the same moment," she says — but have apparently never tried to apply this skill to the simultaneous orgasm-thing the Cosmos are always talking about. They fell in love during a three-year silent meditation...but falling in love wasn't allowed, because they are Buddhist monks. So they plumbed the depths of their souls for a way to reconcile monastic emptiness and austerity with romance and...came up with an ingenious partnership whereby they do everything completely together, including reading books (one waits till the other is finished to flip the page!) and determining their "look" of the moment. ("He let his hair grow long like hers and became taut and lean in a way he was not before.") The story sort of leaves you wondering how he managed to Zen-ify his $100 million jewelry fortune, as do lines like this:
The couple also admit to a hands-on physical relationship that they describe as intense but chaste. Mr. Roach compares it to the relationship his mother had with her doctor when she was dying of breast cancer. "The surgeon lay his hand on her breast, but there wasn't any carnal thought in his mind," he said. "He was doing some life-or-death thing. For us it is the same."
Uh, yeah and the difference is your mom is not twenty years younger than you? [Full disclosure: Christie was a roommate of mine in college. -Ed.]
"He is a good guy and learned person, but the Bill Clinton question lingers over him," [prominent American Buddhist Lamya Surta Das] said of Mr. Roach. "He is with a much younger blond bombshell. What is a deep relationship that is not sexual? It is hard to understand."
Uh, "deeply sexually frustrated" is all I got. But hey, it's sort of nice how none of their fellow monks have tried to beat them to death or burn them at the stake or shit like that.