I want to discuss something that I have never seen addressed in a women's magazine or in any book. It's a very real issue that affects many women. And that issue is getting hot pepper in your ladybits.
No, that's not a euphemism. I am talking about how, sometimes, from cooking, you or a partner gets hot pepper on her hand, and somehow it ends up in your vagina. Because this has happened to almost everyone I know, and it's really, really painful. (There's a reason this is a method of torture.)
When I say I "want" to discuss it, I use the term loosely, because, come on. But I do think it's an issue we need to get out in the open, if only to figure out the best way to deal with it because, I'm sorry, sometimes we don't all wear rubber gloves when handling chillis, even though we're supposed to, and it's really, really hard to get the capsaicin from a pepper off your hands, no matter how well you think you've washed them.
If the words "hot pepper" and "vagina" for some reason sound sexy in combination, l assure you: it ain't. (And it's not a coincidence that the first hits on a Google search are all about neutralizing the pain rather than pervy sexytimes.) Let me paint an unsexy picture for you. The dish was a Barefoot Contessa frittata. The culprit? A jalapeno. A tampon was changed. And then came the agony.
My boyfriend found me writhing in pain on the bed.
"Jalapeno...in...vagina" I managed to gasp, and after he'd ascertained that this was not, in fact, another attempt at natural healing, he made a dash for the pantry.