Sex Toy Exec Victim Of World's Most Inept Poisoning

A British “sex toy queen” has apparently been the victim of a plot by a disgruntled nanny, who repeatedly tried to poison her with things that are not poisonous.

According to the AP, Jacqueline Gold (pictured) inherited sex toy and lingerie businesses from her father and “earned accolades for shifting the company’s focus from men to women.” Somewhere along the way, she apparently pissed off her nanny Allison Cox, who is accused of trying to poison her soup “with windshield-wiper fluid, a substance highly unlikely to be poisonous in small quantities.” Because of the ineffectual nature of her revenge, Cox is being charged with “three counts of administering poison with the intent to annoy,” which is apparently a real thing.

Why three, you ask? Prior to the wiper-fluid gambit, Cox tried two other well-known instant killers: sugar and salt. It’s lucky Gold’s personal chef discovered her plans, otherwise she might’ve moved on to toothpaste or something. I hear that’s really annoying.