April marks the fourth straight month of job losses in the United States, so what better way to cheer yourself up than to take out a massive wedding loan to finance the princess fantasy of your dreams! Those fuddy-duddy finance nerds at The Street want to rain on your wedding parade, though; they point out that taking out a wedding loan is a fucking terrible idea. "While getting a wedding loan may seem like a good way to bridge any shortfall a couple has, it's one of the biggest financial mistakes they can make," says writer Jeffery Strain. "There is nothing worse than starting off married life tens of thousands of dollars in debt, especially if student loans and other debt is also being brought into the marriage."
I thought maybe this "wedding loan trend" was something Strain came up with because he was under, erm, STRAIN to find a topic to write about, but then I Googled it and found that totally respectable lending institutions offer wedding loans for the financially foolish. But there's another way to finance your wedding without going through all the red tape of a bank loan! Take this email we received yesterday from a PR company:
Subject: STORY IDEA-Brides Want Cash, Not Blenders
In this poor economy, brides need cash to help pay for their weddings and honeymoons rather than blenders they'll have no use for. I can offer an interview with a bride who turned their bridal gift registry into a money market.
Next up: how to sell your children into white slavery for fun and profit!