Here are a few things that the Internet loves: Fucking; Photoshop, fast food; Cats. Itself. And sexism, too! We had it all this year. Check out the most-read stories of the year and you'll see what we mean.
1. College Girl's PowerPoint "Fuck List" Goes Viral. (Irin) At least once a week, I'll get an email from a random gentleman asking me to send him Karen Owen's full PowerPoint of her sexual partners. (At least once a week I ignore said email.) It's now the most-read post in the history of Jezebel, with nearly 2 million new readers and counting. There's just something about sex, college, athletes — and PowerPoint.
2. How Your Playboy Centerfold Sausage Is Made [NSFW]. (Irin) Okay, so, boobs, and 90s-era pubic hair, but also a surprise look into how even the genetically-blessed, surgery-enhanced, youthful, pro-lit-and-photographed, and Hef-endorsed get a little help from the retoucher.
3. A Comprehensive Glossary Of Gifs (Tracie) Sometimes, there is no better way to say it than Mariah sniffing her own cleavage. So I won't try.
4. What Fast Food Really Looks Like (Dodai) We'll give you a hint: It really looks totally fucking disgusting. But you should watch Dodai's video anyway. Another case of unrealistic expectations from the image-making industry!
5. The Daily Show's Woman Problem (Irin) Remember when Jon Stewart said we called him a sexist prick? (Not exactly.) That wasn't my favorite response to the story, nor was Olivia Munn's with her sandwiches, or the open letter with its straw men. But the (to our minds, loaded) bit with Larry Wilmore about how Stewart has oppressed white Christian American men — "We have white Christian men in the building, just not on camera" — was pure genius. (About 2:30 into the clip).
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6. Scott Baio's Online Meltdown: A Complete Timeline (Jessica) Scott Baio found the best way to resuscitate his career: Freaking out at Twitter over Jezebel commenters questioning his narrow-mindedness. (And randomly calling me racist.) But it was his wife's silver tongue that really clinched it. We are all lesbian shitasses now, and sitcom reruns will never be the same.
7. OMFG It's The Official Lost Epilogue (Jessica) We had to go back. Oh, and we had to take it down after awhile. But it was worth it for all involved, even if it all had to come to an end.
8. The 10 Worst Masturbation Stories We've Ever Heard (Sadie) The Ken doll story. If there's anything we lent to the public imagination this year, let it have been the Ken doll story, by far the most excruciatingly humiliating masturbation story since the first humans touched themselves. And the world agreed: "Ken" got 83 percent of the nearly 40,000 votes.
9. How Photoshop Transformed Megan Fox (Jessica Peterson) When it came to gaining interest, this republished post had it all: Megan Fox, unrealistic beauty standards, the magic of technology. And Megan Fox.
10. The Five Most Overused Expressions On The Internet (Hortense) Wow, just wow. Lots of people thought this post was FTW. This! (Sorry, I'll STFU.)
Note: I've been asked by the powers that be to subtract cats. No offense to cats. But strictly speaking, Sadie's Clueless Secretary Prompts Hilarious Office Email Thread post was the second most-read post of the year, and Jessica's Adorable Cat Adorably Attacks Himself was pretty high in the top 20. A few other highlights: Margaret's Ann Taylor Mistakenly Reveals Its Photoshop Process, the video of subway badass Nicola Briggs, Jenna's Terry Richardson takedown, Sadie's tribute to girls who wear glasses, Pam Grier's allegedly cocaine-infused vagina, Jessica's reminder of why we publish unretouched images, Anna's look at the potential criminalization of miscarriage, and Tracie's newsmaking expose of how Palin conservatives were gaming Dancing With The Stars' voting.