Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Margaret and I brave the blustery wilds of the celebrity tabloids in search of cozy gossip. This week, we are forever changed by the unholy spectacle that is the "official" Kardashian Christmas portrait.
"Kardashian Holiday Miracle: We're Having Babies!"
The truth is, no one is actively in the process of having a baby at the moment, but Kris Jenner is "praying" for Kourtney and Khloe to get knocked up. She should be careful what she wishes for, because it could be 15-year-old Kendall or 13-year-old Kylie who end up with a bun in the oven! Even more important: Get sucked into the parallel dimension vortex that is the Official Kardashian Christmas Portrait (see image 7). The attire, skin tones, noses and and poses are mesmerizingly bizarre. YOU CANNOT LOOK AWAY. Next: "Nicole Richie's Wedding Disaster" is a yarn spun by the magazine about how Nicole "hungered" to see her wedding photos on a magazine cover, but was asking for $100,000 for one picture. No takers! Guests had their cellphones confiscated at the door, so no unauthorized images will come out, either. How this is a disaster, we don't know.
Grade: F (blizzard, zero degrees, no shirt)