WikiLeaks' Biggest Release Yet: The Secrets of Claire

New York Magazine's Daily Intel has run a revealing character sketch of New York City office assistant "Claire," based on an exclusive WikiLeak of her personal emails and gchats. What does this mean for America's national security and diplomatic relations?

Hopefully not much: Claire doesn't seem to have been involved in any major international affairs biz. However, our allies might be shocked by the banality of her lifestyle. "Intel's data team, who received the raw files a month ago for perusal, found that a portrait of distinct character emerges—a person of general decency and good humor who not infrequently succumbs to the bouts of pettiness, bitchiness, insecurity and Schadenfreude common to middle-class residents of New York City in the year 2010," report Jessica Pressler and Nitasha Tiku.

How will this great reveal of Claire's personal info affect her national security interests and diplomatic relations? Well, she might have to explain a few things to some dudes, but SRSLY, fuck those guys. She's sooo much better off without them, anyway.