Jessica Simpson Is Engaged Again

Jessica's announcement comes on the heels of this week's announcement that her ex-husband, professional emotion-haver Nick Lachey, is engaged to Vanessa Minillo.

Simpson's affianced is former NFL player Eric Johnson, who some speculate is only interested in her for her fame. Could this nugget of dramz be setting us up for more Jessica Simpson Is Sad Again tabloid headlines in the future? The race to be the repeatedly heartbroken Jennifer Aniston of country music heats up. Your move, Taylor Swift. [Us Magazine]
Natalie Portman says that being pretty is hard. Other things that are hard: everything in the goddamn world, most of which is harder than being pretty. [Showbiz Spy]
Like, here's an example of something that's harder than being pretty: having a miscarriage. Lily Allen took to Twitter last night to reassure her fans that she's laughing again after losing her second pregnancy. Godspeed, Lily. May the laughter increase in frequency as the days pass. [The Sun]
Bono, who never wants us to forget that he's exactly like a tiny Irish Jesus in all the time sunglasses, praised the release of Burmese activist Suu Kyi by comparing her to Nelson Mandela. I'm really glad we all have Bono to teach us about things, because reading is hard. [ONTD]
In a move that in no way could possibly been carefully calculated in order to garner positive publicity for herself, noted international husband thief LeAnn Rimes took to the private forum of The Internet to congratulate her ex-husband on his new engagement. [Daily Mail]
Troubled starlet Demi Lovato is to be temporarily written out of her starring role on The Disney Channel's Sonny With A Chance. It's okay, though, sweetheart. Sonny is going to live on a big farm with other former Disney starlets, where she can run and frolic in the fields all day long. [Digital Spy]
Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson are constantly doing sex in his trailer on the set of his new film. Ew, sex! [Showbiz Spy]
Chris Pine, star of that OMG RUNAWAY TRAIN movie and some of your Star Trek-related workday fantasies, says he's having a quarter life crisis at the age of 30. In other news, Chris Pine either plans on living to be 120 years old, or coasted through his fraction unit in his fourth grade math class on his chiseled features. [Showbiz Spy]
Victoria Beckham bought her son, who is 8 years old, a mobile phone and is surprised and shocked that the child is using the technology to call her super important friends during the wee hours. I guess that solves the mystery of those obscene Yo Gabba Gabba reference-laced phone calls I've been getting every night at 2 am. [Contact Music]
Elijah Wood has relented to, I guess, immense pressure and joined Twitter. Possible trending topics on his page- #whatdohobbitswant, #gollumplease, #elvesbetrippin, and #ih8mybling. [Just Jared]
Tom Brady is reportedly chomping at the bit to re-inseminate his robo-wife Giselle Bundchen. Well, Tom. I'm sure a lot of people are also excited for you to stop diving like a scared little boy and actually taking hits from defenders, but they're not really the ones that have to carry the football, now, are they? Now, imagine that every time you wanted to score a touchdown, you had to carry the football around inside of you for nine months and then very painfully push the football out of a tiny opening. That would make other people demanding you score touchdowns a little tacky, wouldn't it? Just something to think about, bro. [Showbiz Spy]
Billy Ray Cyrus got mad and stormed out of a radio interview when asked about his ongoing divorce. The name of the man he stormed out on is "Woody Johnson." Lots of dick jokes to be made here, folks, but it's early. [ONTD]
John Travolta's wife, Kelly Preston, is giving birth super quietly as we speak. [TMZ]
The Lohans, in their infinite cruelty, won't let you or me forget that they exist. Lindsay something something rehab Michael something something dickbag and everyone's really just trying to out-asshole each other, forever and ever Amen. [TMZ]
Rachel McAdams was reportedly left bruised after shooting love scenes in her new film, Morning Glory. In my life as Morning Gloria, I often find myself running into coffee tables and desks and am thus glad that this movie with a name that kind of sounds like my internet name is much more glamorous than my actual life. [Showbiz Spy]