We recently received a list of "drool worthy cocktails" conceived in honor of sexy actors — but we decided the world really needs more cocktails named after awful people. Mix it up, after the jump.
The list, drawn up by a marketing company that represents liquor brands, included some head-scratchers, like the Russian Standard Moscow Mule for Brad Pitt (maybe inspired by this bizarre traffic-calming measure?). We at the Jezebel Mixology Headquarters think we can do better. Behold:
The Charlie Sheen
Jack and Coke, heavy on the Coke. Drink some, then pour it all over the room.
The Michael Lohan
Whiskey, bitters, and a little jailhouse fermented fruit-cup — served on the rocks, like his daughter's career.
The John Mayer
Inspired by the cast of Jersey Shore: vodka, peach schnapps, pineapple juice, and lots of orange juice, garnished with a pickle. Drinking this will make you yell at people a lot and put used pads in their beds.
The Mel Gibson
A gin martini — but in place of vermouth, substitute pure bile. Garnish with a cocktail onion and a restraining order.
The Tucker Max
Beer. Duh. You're ugly.
Like a cosmo, but with Popov vodka and cranberry Vitamin Water instead of actual juice. Throw a slug of grenadine in that shit and pretend it's just as good as what everybody else is drinking, even though you know it isn't.
The Joe Francis
This frozen mango-rita will make you take your shirt off. After that, you have no rights. Obviously.
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