The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Lanvin for H&M is going to be epic. Because it's freaking Lanvin, because the clothes look just like "real" Lanvin, and because this video is awesome. Before it flies off the shelves, let's indulge in the fashion porn, together.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

In fair Las Vegas, where we lay our scene, the fashion designer sits slumped over his desk, dreaming of beauty (at affordable prices!)

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Note the Extra Strong tea. For robust aromas of genius.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

This little ad is directed by Mike Figgis (Leaving Las Vegas), and set in a hotel populated by people with strange habits. Loverboy here would very much like Natasha Poly to be his girlfriend.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Natasha Poly is like, "Bish, plz. If you're not the hairdresser who's gonna fix this mess, I don't want to know you or your roses."

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

I mean, doesn't everyone?

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Remembrances of technologies past: Is that a Razr?

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Obligatory beauty counter shot.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Meanwhile, in another room, a woman takes a shower in her Lanvin for H&M.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Hey! A plus-size model!

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

A plus-size model...on a treadmill.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Our romantically inclined striver is back, armed with a necklace. Wrong!

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Seriously, is he dense or something?

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

And here in the conference center we have the most chic waiting room, ever.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

He's available for private consultations and parties. Reasonable rates. Inquire within, ladies.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Jemima was feeling very proud of herself for nabbing that mustard dress with the asymmetrical sleeve-ruffle.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

But then Jane walked in, and she realized she wasn't such an original, after all.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

When Jessica joined them, they decided to found a '50s girl group and be done with it.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Oh dear.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

In this hotel room, there be cheaters!

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

After this collection comes out, this is exactly how life is going to be. For about three months, all we'll do is run around town, encountering our romantic rivals, exes, friends, and frenemies wearing our damn dress. I mean, look at this shit — it's going to sell like hot cakes. And then of course the threads will pull and the fabrics will disintegrate and the too-tight armholes will rend, and the seasons will change, and we will put away our H&M things. Just in time for the next hyped-up collaboration to hit stores. (Target, you're on that, right?) And the leftovers will go to the landfill.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Obligatory reference to shopping.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Melinda and Guadalupe were certain something was up.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

See? Tea is for drinking! Not for perverting our political discourse. Alber Elbaz grasps this.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

And he also grasps that Melinda's going to be his new muse.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

At last, dude gets it right.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Why Natasha Poly has to spend her screen time in a dirty trench coat and bra is a mystery Figgis never resolves.

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Ta-da! But, rather than open her heart to her pursuer, Natasha slips away and runs down the corridor. The old "she'd rather have the product than have sex" trope rears its head!

The Lanvin For H&M Movie: A Frame-By-Frame Analysis

Obligatory Alice in Wonderland reference.

And now, the entire video.