A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

You're fed up with ladies costumes being uniformly "sexy"! To prove it, you sent in photos of outfits that ooze from your nether regions, hide your lingerie under layers of sweaty foam, and make you look like crap... literally.

A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"This is probably my favorite costume I've ever done because from the front, guys would be trying to holler with some weak ass lines. Then I would walk past them, and they would see the shit stain on my diaper and say I was nasty or fucked up. I loved it." — Kimberly Nario


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"This is a photo of my friend Sarah last Halloween. She really doesn't buy into the whole 'dress sexy cuz it's Halloween' thing and thinks the more revolting you look the better. Imagine her delight when she found that people couldn't hold conversations with her as her face was making them feel sick." — Louise McSharry


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Murderous doctor" — Lucinda Inganni


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Plague Doctor (Just finished my paper mache mask last night!)" — Cynthia Maunes


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I was Headless Marie Antoinette in 2007. Yeah - there's some cleavage but it's decapitated, hand-made cleavage. This costume was all about the scariness factor." — Nicole Magne


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Last year I went as a second grade laser portrait. The background was attached to me using the straps I ripped off a backpack. I went to a party with a bunch of not even very creative slutty costumes and was met with quite a few overtly hostile stares and some audible 'Ummmm.... what the hell is SHE supposed to be's from slutty farm animals. The only high point was when I ran into a girl dressed as Abe Lincoln and we played a couple of hands of Bullshit. Good times." — Tami Hillberry


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"In sixth grade, my parents had a brillant idea for a costume: a toilet. And I was the lucky gal who got to wear it! What is more unsexy than toilet paper with yellow and brown marks on your head (thanks dad!)? Also included but not seen on the picture, linoleum patches on the bottom to complete the look (from our actual bathroom). My parents put so much work into it, I was really proud of that costume!" — Crunchy Snape


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"The year I went as a reverse mermaid! I am thinking of adding a tail to reuse the costume as a "fish" or something similar. I even painted my nails green, and carried a bag that I covered in matching scales." — Jenna Sauers


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"My husband and I as the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster (Ghostbusters) in 2007" — Anna Plumb


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I went as Mike Ditka for Halloween one year - I borrowed my boyfriend's pants, shirt, tie, underwear - everything. Needless to say he was less creeped out by me wearing his clothes than he was by my fake mustache." — Sarah McMann


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"My best friend and I dressed up as Jay and Silent Bob one year. I am Silent Bob, and Jessica is Jay. We had to buy wigs to cross dress as men." — Macy Jones


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I REFUSE to wear a sexy-anything Halloween costume, which usually results in me being a dude or an inanimate object. I present to you an example of the latter - a few years ago my boyfriend (now husband) went as Tom Hanks from Castaway....and I was Wilson the Volleyball. I rolled (ha) around the whole night rocking a cut-up volleyball on my hand and a white terry cloth jumpsuit. It.was.awesome" — Lara Hamm


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"This is a picture of boyreporter and I at a couples' Halloween party in 2009. I went as Jesus (with a Fiji bottle of red wine) and he went as God (handing out plastic dinosaurs to people), and we would tell people the Holy Spirit was there too but he's invisible. The most unsexy part of the night is when Jesus ended up puking in the toilet (and his beard) after too many tequila shots." — girlreporter


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I know you said no lingerie, but how can you resist my best gal Marie's 'Sexy Pigeon' costume? This came from our conversation about how we both hate how lazy and expected it is for women to dress up as the slutty version of what might otherwise be a fun or clever Halloween costume, nevermind freezing one's ass off anywhere north of the Mason-Dixon line. We were joking about being a sexy warthog or sexy garbage collector, but she really took it to the next level with Sexy Pigeon. What dude wouldn't be turned on by the slutty version of a fat, oily, trash-eating rat-with-wings in a corset?" — Amy Castellano


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"We were the game 'Rock, Paper, Sissors' (SHOOT was around as well)...

Nothing gets less sexy than sweating in a XL sweatshirt stuffed with pillows." — Jessica Roberts


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"last year i dressed up as the typical mortifying moment you would read in a teen magazine: 'i was hanging with my crush, wearing my white pants. things were getting steamy, and i got my period!! it was the worst day of my life!' i wore zombie makeup because i was mortified TO DEATH.

talk about embarrassing" — bonnie


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I'm a microbiologist, I went as MRSA (methycillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus). Under the microscrope it appears as a "bunch of grapes" or scientifically known as gram positive cocci in clusters. I was at a party with other science and medical professionals, so they all got the joke." — Sandra Weiland


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I have two unsexy costumes that Id like to submit.
1) Dead Amelia Earhart
2) Newly single Jackie O.

Tasteless? Perhaps. Very unsexy though." — HeartRateRapid


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Here's a picture of me a couple of years ago, when I dressed up as a loofa (technically a bath poof) for Halloween." — Sophia


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I have a great one: for Halloween 2008 I dressed as a dead moose (my pit bull was obviously Sarah Palin).

The best part was going out later with the dude I had a crush on. The super cute girl he had just started dating showed up dressed as a 'sexy cop'.

To reiterate - I was dressed as a dead moose.

I felt like a huge loser at the time - I had just moved to a new city, didn't know many people, and discovered that apparently bringing your dog to bars - even on Halloween - is frowned upon in Honolulu. (I had moved from New Orleans, where both ugly costumes and dogs at bars are celebrated institutions) But I went out with my friend/crush anyway and had a decent time despite the fact that nobody got my costume and I felt like a gross pile of roadkill next to sexy cop chick.

It was all worth it in the end though. I'm still proud of my creativity and, as always, my awesome, long-suffering, pit bull Trap Jack. Oh and sexy cop chick didn't last long (and friend/crush is now my boyfriend).

Yay un-sexy costumes!!" — Emily


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Oil Spill from 2008 (prescient, huh? Wearing this at the Stewart/Colbert rallies next weekend)" — HRHPants


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"This is my girlfriend, last halloween, dressed as South Park's Awesom-O 5000.

True story - while out in Boston - while taking a bathroom break, the GF had a women's studies major from Simmons College, dressed as a slutty Ninja Turtle, fall into her arms, near tears. Michaelangel-Ho, as we'll call her, proceeded to spend the next ten minutes telling the GF how much she admired her for respecting her body - and how she wished she had the guts to so herself.

We saw her an hour later doing body shots out of Master Splinter's belly button."


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Halloween 2006 I went as Zombie Shari Lewis + Zombie Lambchop." — Erin Bradley


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

Spaceman Bill Leah as a lobster.


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

Eponai as Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks.


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I'm keeping this submission anonymous, because yikes, but this is my favorite costume from a couple years ago.

I was a flasher - trench coat, boots, 'nude'-colored bra, and the biggest strap-on in my approximate skin color I could afford, with some fake pubes pasted on. The front of the coat tented out a little when it was closed, which was even better, and one guy spat out his beer when I flashed him at a party."

A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"This is from Halloween 2007, when I went as my very unsexy, beer-gut-sporting high school gym teacher, Coach Howard. That's me on the left, forcing my friend Fred to wear a jock strap and harassing him as only a gym teacher can." — Gayle


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Log lady and agent Cooper from Twin Peaks! Only one person got it." — Gen Dav


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I was a zombie teacher...impaled by a ruler and pencils!" — Rayvyn86


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

Colonel Sanders — tommy_tank


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Peggy Hill, because we share the name." — Margargaret


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I regularly appear as a zombie. I think I'm getting quite good at the prosthetics now." — KatThirteen


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"An arctic wolf being hunted by Sarah Palin in a Piper Cub." — SkepChick


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

Cap'n Crunch — Carrie G


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Making costumes is one of my favorite past-times. I wish I had a picture of the year I went as an e-coli bacteria, but alas, it got eaten with my former hard drive. Instead, I present me as Marion Crane in "Psycho"!" — mariawhittle13


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"We were the yip-yip aliens from Sesame Street! Completely covered up and we had a little stick that we could make our mouths move up and down as we glided around the party, yipping. BONUS: this year we will be Elmo and Grover, repurposing the fabric." — seat_5a


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I dressed up as a milk carton one year, while my roommate was a cow. I printed out pictures of my other roommates on the back with MISSING over them, plus their phone numbers (they got a lot of 3 AM calls that Halloween). This was the best costume I've ever worn - it was warm and I didn't get squished at parties. I also saw two other box costumes that night - a cigarette carton and Franzia box." — Dangling Modifier


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"1930's Lady Racing Plane pilot!

I totally bumped it on the dancefloor." — edith-irene


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I dressed up as Prince last year. I would argue that Prince himself is undoubtedly sexy....but I had no guys hit on me during my night on the town. I suppose androgyny is hard to come to terms with. Unless you're me." — MKdontPlay


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"My friend and I went as Simon & Garfunkel. I think we were the only girls wearing enough clothes to be warm at the party." — Elena Kaminsky


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Hot, but not sexy!" — pbandjulie


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"That's me as a severed head on a platter, and my little brother as Dubya the alcoholic, sneaking a 'drink' (yeah, so this is a few years old)." — CrackedEg


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

Joan Cusak in 16 Candles — chafina


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I'm crazy, so I make pairs costumes for me and my dog. Last year I was a piece of salmon sushi and he was a packet of soy sauce. Please note ginger and wasabi hairpiece. Nothing sexy about raw fish + a dog!" — Purple Monkey


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

Jerri Blank — Dusty Muff


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I wore this costume for a few years. I think that it should say "Whoopie" though. I can't decide if I should be a fart or a sexy fart this year!!!" — Sarah_Slaughter


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Oscar the Grouch! Yes, I used a real trash can." — Justiceschmustice

A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

Bert and Ernie — geeblegee


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"This year's costume: Cathy (of comic strip fame). Questionably sexy, especially since someone thought I was Meg Whitman." — tateness


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Cheerios bee, made everything myself.. Came out every bit as absurd as I'd hoped" — Amanda Cockerham


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"Here I am being very unsexy as Elaine Benes. I don't know how she pulled it off bc she was obvs gorgeous. Also, could pass as a sister wife." — Kate!


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"It doesn't get much more un-sexy than Rip Taylor!" — AshleyStIves


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

Kelly Atchison as her Facebook profile


A Proud Salute To Unsexy Halloween Costumes

"I went to a party in this zombie costume last night, and I was the only girl there not wearing a bustier and/or miniskirt. It was pretty epic." — DixieCyanide