That kids today are exposed to massive amounts of porn and heavily porn-influenced content at impossibly tender ages is an unavoidable fact. Parents and teachers and the whole "Village Thing" can do a certain amount to censor and filter and limit this, but a part of me thinks that all young men should just start listening to Howard Stern at age five because then they would at least have the sense not to title their Peer Pressure-inspired YouTube videos Rape Dat Ho and would instead do like 13-year-old Ralph Hardy of Newark, Texas. Ralph, the son of a workaholic attorney who forgot his birthday, allegedly decided to take it upon himself to steal his father's credit card to get a few pals together and hire some hookers.
In a heartwarming tale that may well be apocryphal — but if it is, it is truly the "Gift of the Magi" of the GTA generation, so it's worthy of a post — the young Hardy told the girls he had a "growth disorder" a la Andy Milonakis and the motel clerks that he had just won a World of Warcraft tournament.
When police arrived at the motel they found $3,000 in cash, numerous electronic gadgets, an Xbox video console with numerous games, and the two local escort girls.
Ralph had reportedly told police that his father wouldn't mind, as it was his birthday last week and he had forgot to get him a present. The father, a lawyer said he had been too busy, but would take him on a surprise trip to Disneyland instead.
Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.
The $1,000 a night girls sensing something up played "Halo" on the Xbox with the kids, instead of selling their sexual services.
Ralph's ambition is to one day become a politician.
I can't find a news source more legitimate than The Sun to source this to, so I'll believe it when young Ralph hosts his first YouTube party with Cory Worthington, but it's a pleasant enough screenplay idea, no?