Ladies, have you ever wished there was an adultery website just for you? For infidelity with a woman's touch, try DiscreetAdultery.com!
According to a wtf-laden press release, the site is partnered with more famous cheating site Ashley Madison — but tailored to "offer services specifically for married women users." Explains Rudy Bojorquez, president of DiscreetAdultery's sinisterly named parent company Optimized Marketing Solutions, "Women, particularly married women, tend to be very cautious. However, once they decide they want to have an affair, the only thing holding them back are concerns over the quality of men, and concerns about getting caught." I'm pretty sure lots of people "decide to have an affair" because they met someone they want to fuck, rather than the other way around — but for those cautious wives who do put the cart before the horse, so to speak, DiscreetAdultery has special lady-centric "that improve security and matching based on anonymous ratings of men by other women." But can I access it on my Alessi Tab?
Boronquez is bullish on the site's future, for the most depressing reason possible: "We expect even greater growth over the holidays, when women typically re-evaluate their relationships. In the current economic climate, we expect a record number of women to look for an affair." That's right, guys — you got laid off from your job and can't buy her the diamond earrings she wanted for Christmas, so she's going to go online and find someone else to bone. Maybe you should join Ashley Madison! Of course, a look at DiscreetAdultery itself doesn't make e-cheating seem that enticing. Its splashscreen includes a variety of poorly proofread testimonials ("I used Discreet Adultery to gind a good hot guy"), but the real star is this one:
I was fed up with my husband ignoring me. I was so lonely, and there was nobody I could talk to about it. I met a really hot married guy on Discreet Adultery and now we're both having a lot more fun, and I'm not crying myself to sleep any more.
"I'm not crying myself to sleep any more": a marketing slogan for the ages.