The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

Disney has created a 3D reboot of Tron called Tron: Legacy. which looks okay. Not okay? The aggressive marketing, especially when it comes to crappy, bizarre fashion-y tie-ins meant for women. Like the Tron shoe.

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

Some of the merch makes total sense: A Tron: Legacy action figure, for instance. Appropriately priced at $14.99.

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

While we're not interested in the $129 Tron keyboard or the $350 Tron headphones, they also make sense: It's a techie movie, and the techie props on the screen could inspire techie lust.

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

But board shorts? Really? I remember seeing Tron when I was a kid, and as far as I could tell, it was about people playing glow-in-the-dark ultimate frisbee while trapped inside a computer. Or maybe that was the video game. In any case, the trailer for Tron: Legacy has zero beach volleyball or surfing scenes. So it's fairly incomprehensible why Hurley teamed up with Disney to make these $45 shorts.

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

Another Hurley product: A $75 Tron "crinkle poly" jacket. The men's version for this is black and blue, but ladies looooove pink, haven't you heard?

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

This Tron motorcycle suit for women makes sense as a merch item. What doesn't make sense? The price! Most of us have a tough time with how much theaters charge to watch a 3D movie. Are we really going to pay $995 for the whole suit? Maybe you can just pick which part you like the best:
Jacket: $498
Pants: $269
Gloves: $79
Boots: $149
Oh, btw: this "motorcycle street legal suit" with CE-approved body armor comes with the standard reflective features. But unlike the mens' version, the womens' suit has a removable skirt. Ladies like to be ladylike!

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

This necklace references the 1982 Tron, and was created by very cool jewelry brand Han Cholo. But $150 is a little steep for us.

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

Although that price is nothing compared to these Rotenier Tron earrings, which retail for $495.

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

This Rotenier Tron necklace is gorgeous, we can admit that. But if you're going to spend $2,600 you'd better be a really really big fan.

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

Hayden-Harnett makes really nice bags, but this Tron-inspired purse, at $478, is kind of meh. There's a clutch for only $129, though.

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

Look, sci-fi can be awesome. I love, LOVE movies like Alien, The Fifth Element, Star Wars, Wall-E and Blade Runner. But that doesn't mean I want to buy shoes associated with those flicks. And I definitely don't want this $795 Tron heel designed Jerome C. Rousseau. It's lovely, but there's something stomach-turning about the idea of Disney dangling a shiny shoe as a way to lure women into a movie about dudes playing video games.

Pam Lifford, executive vice president of fashion and home for Disney Consumer Products, says: "In developing these TRON-inspired collections, we saw a natural fit for today's modern woman who blends fashion and technology in her daily routine." Okay. But. Today's modern woman can also smell a forced, non-organic, in-it-for-the-money marketing scheme a mile away. Manufactured cool is not cool. And you know what else?

The $795 Shoe, And Other Stupid/Expensive Tron Merchandise

The ladies in the film — like Quorra "the fearless female warrior," played by Olivia Wilde, or the Siren (in the image below Quorra) — seem to kick ass without a purse, earring or open-toe sandal in sight.

Disney Unveils High End TRON-Inspired Couture Collection Of Jewelry, Shoes And Accessories for Women [Market Watch]
TRON Product Images [Disney Consumer Products]