On last night's premiere of DWTS , Bristol Palin—billed as a "teen activist"—danced the Cha Cha to "Mama Told Me Not to Come," a perfect choice for abstinence-only education, while dressed like a sparkly version her mother.

But the costume was then ripped off to reveal a tiny, red fringe number, and her partner tried to sex her up, but doing makeout fake outs and grabbing her ass. And although she was a bit stiff, the judges loved it. One told her—sans irony—that this was "virgin territory" for her.




But they weren't so kind to Margaret Cho, who landed in the bottom three due to her comedic interpretation of the Viennese Waltz, which apparently bastardized the dance for them.




During her rehearsal segment, Margaret confessed to her partner, Louis Van Amstel, that she became uncomfortable dancing after she was told as a child in a ballet class that she was fat. When the judges spoke to her, one of them told her that she looked like she was going to "eat somebody."




Joining Margaret in the bottom three are David Hasselhoff and The Situation. Since Jersey Shore only finished filming its third season a week before DWTS premiered, Sitch only had five days to rehearse.




He ended up wearing a see-through shirt and got a new haircut.

Bristol Wears Sarah Palin Costume, Dances To The Perfect Song




And he infused lots of Tony Manero pointy moves into his choreography. (Perhaps to indicate that he's Italian?)




The top score of the evening went to Jennifer Grey, whose partner chose the song "These Arms of Mine" (which appeared in Dirty Dancing) for their Viennese Waltz, perhaps to play on the sentimentality over Patrick Swayze's death. It worked, and it even made Jennifer break down in rehearsal.




This was my first time watching the show, which actually, I can't believe, given how fucking campy it is.