An insightful lesson, in eight steps.

Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step One: Feign innocence.
"I am just admiring this beautiful ocean."

Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step Two: Pretend to test the water.
"Just a little squat. Feels nice."

Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step Three: Express shock.
"OH MY GOODNESS WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I MEAN THESE WAVES ARE NOT REALLY EVEN THAT HIGH."

Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step Four: Step back and assess.
"Did that look believable? Should I try again? Perhaps I should try again, this time looking down instead of away."

Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step Five: Try again, tweaking your technique.
"OH MERCY WHAT IS THIS? THE WATER IS WET AND MY TOP SEEMS TO BE SLIPPING! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?"

Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step Six: Milk it. [No pun intended.]
"AND LOOK HERE COMES ANOTHER WAVE, WHICH, WHILE SMALL, WILL SURELY TEAR MY TOP RIGHT OFF!"

Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step Seven: Go for broke.
"See how I — I mean the waves — pulled my top right off? Amazing! Are you getting this? I turned toward the camera yet strategically covered my nipple so you would get something usable. In Touch will probably print this."

Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step Eight: Flee.
"Thanks, we'll have a new stunt next week! Byeee!"

[Costa Rica, September 10. Images via Pacific Coast News Online.]