At the start of last night's show, host Chelsea Handler said, "I'm scared that this year all of you idiots will suddenly get your acts together." Unfortunately, she was right. Still, with no scandals, there were some memorable moments.
Like Lindsay's first public appearance since jail; Eminem trying hard to make a scowl through all his Botox; Usher's weird pants; Cher pulling her "If I Could Turn Back Time" costume from the archives; Lady Gaga making the show run over with her impossible-to-manage outfits. But the pivotal moments—if you want to call them that—of this year's show were based completely on the pivotal moment of last year's show, and in case we somehow managed to forget what that was, Taylor Swift made sure to include a clip of it in her boring performance. Her overly sentimental song encouraged Kanye to move beyond what had happened, and that she's sure that he's a good guy deep down. His song actually relished in how he's a superficial asshole douchebag, and wanted to celebrate it. So he wins.