After watching three seasons of True Blood, I've come to the conclusion that like a Value Meal at McDonald's, the show packs in a lot of crap that's fun while it lasts but leaves you feeling unsatisfied.

It was great to see Sookie be snarky to the King, but why did it take her so long to get some ovaries and start telling people off? When she finally told Bill, "You do not own me," didn't it feel like a long time coming? And when she cackled after putting Talbot's remains in the garbage disposal, didn't it seem out of character?

As usual, we had lots of other burning questions:

  • What are Hoyt's mama and Summer up to?
  • Why haven't we seem Terry's armadillo named Felix?
  • How come the Crystal's brother — the dude in HotShot high on "vamper juice" — could shoot his Uncle Daddy but not Jason?

The True Blood Finale Is All Questions & No Answers
  • Why would they bring back Alcide and yet not make up a reason for him to have his shirt off?
  • Did anyone else laugh out loud when Alcide and Bill were described as "eyefucking each other"?

The True Blood Finale Is All Questions & No Answers
  • What was up with the creepy baby doll on the floor of the house Hoyt and Jessica are moving into? Is it a symbol of the kids she'll never have? Or will it come to life at night and stab them both?
  • What is wrong with Sam? Why did he shoot poor illiterate and desperately-in-need-of-discipline Tommy?

The True Blood Finale Is All Questions & No Answers
  • Why was Eric seeing visions of Godric? And why didn't he listen to the advice his maker was doling out?

  • Don't the writers know that the concept "Jesus Is Magic" was already discussed by Sarah Silverman? Also: Don't you want more Lala and Jesus and less of everyone else?

The True Blood Finale Is All Questions & No Answers
  • Where are Tara and her new haircut going?

The True Blood Finale Is All Questions & No Answers
  • How amazing was Sophie-Ann's outfit? And won't she kill Bill Compton dead since she's twice his age?

The True Blood Finale Is All Questions & No Answers
  • Is Sookie's trip to fairyland a good thing or bad thing for her? And will she hook up with some hot shirtless fairy boy, or do fairy boys only like other boys?

The True Blood Finale Is All Questions & No Answers

When I first started watching this show, I hadn't read the books, but I recognized that vampires were a stand-in for society's outcasts; "God Hates Fangs" posters and the Fellowship Of The Sun made it clear that the anti-vamp message could just as well be anti-gay or anti-black or anti-immigrant. But this season, everyone's hiding something — this one's a witch, that one's a were-panther, this one's taking V to enhance his football game — and the message seems to be that none of us are perfect. We've all got secrets, we're all trying to handle our internal demons. Unfortunately, the show got bogged down by Bill and Sookie breaking up, getting back together, and breaking up again. In addition, the way the plot advances ever so slowly, piece by piece, with the characters offering just a tiny morsel of information at a time, has begun to wear thin. Compared to the first season, this one seemed a bit stale and repetitive. Hopefully next season will bring us some new blood, so to speak.

Earlier:
True Blood: Revenge, Abortion & A Womanly God
True Blood Becomes A Fairy Tale
True Blood: How Long Does It Take To Find Out Who You Are?
True Blood: Your Source For Hot Gay Vampire Sex
True Blood: Girlfriend In A Coma
True Blood: Will You Be My Vampire Bride?
True Blood Heals Heartbreak With A Hot Hunk O' Werewolf
True Blood: Vampire Sex Is Twisted
True Blood: Big Foot, Nazis, And Tender Moments
True Blood: "Conscience Off, Dick On"