The Silvio Berlusconi Guide To Dating

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, everybody's favorite creepy, potentially corrupt world leader, offered some helpful dating advice for young people this weekend. We smell a book deal!

The AP reports that at a convention for his party's youth wing Sunday, Berlusconi explained that young women should date rich guys: ''I said to a girl to look for a wealthy boyfriend. This suggestion is not unrealistic.'' He also opined that women like older men because, ''he's old. He dies and I inherit.'' And he attributed his own success with the ladies to the fact that "I'm a nice guy'' and ''I'm loaded.'' The former is debatable, but Berlusconi's definitely loaded — still, we bet he could use the extra cash a dating guide would bring. Berlusconi's qualifications for penning such a book include a "controversies" section on Wikipedia that currently has fourteen subheadings, including my personal favorite, "Jokes, gestures and blunders," which includes this gem:

In February 2002, at a European Union summit of foreign ministers, Berlusconi [...] made a vulgar gesture (the "corna") behind the head of the Spanish foreign minister, Josep Piqué, intimating he was a cuckold during an official photo shoot. This is a common joke among Italian children, but many felt it was utterly out of place in an international meeting.

Given that he once gave another world leader the sexual-innuendo equivalent of bunny ears, Berlusconi is clearly unafraid of shaking things up, and he could shake up the publishing world with his very own dating book. Here are a few sample tips to get him started:

— Look for a nice guy. Signs of niceness include pretending to shoot a journalist, saying Italy could never eradicate rape "because our women are so beautiful," and asking a woman on a tour of an earthquake site, "Can I fondle you?"

— Want to snag a powerful man at an upscale party? Try donning a sexy Santa outfit! This will surely get you noticed — and also taken seriously.

— Be underage. Of course, Berlusconi would never have "spicy relations" with a minor, even the young woman whose 18th birthday party he attended, bearing a diamond necklace as a gift. However, that doesn't mean other powerful dudes might not be charmed by less-than-legal ladies, and the younger you are, the easier it is to date someone older!

— Laugh at his jokes. Whether he's cracking wise about "Hitler's comeback" or quipping that "in the China of Mao, they did not eat children, but had them boiled to fertilise the fields," let him know that you think he's hilarious, no matter how many millions of people he happens to insult.

— Think about your future. Sure, even a nice guy like Berlusconi may end up cheating on you with a dizzying array of younger and younger women. But by that time, you should be able to parlay your relationship into a gig as a television presenter, and from there, a position in government. And for those of you who think those jobs might require different skill sets, it's time to lighten up and get spicy! Let The Silvio Berlusconi Guide to Dating show you the way.

Berlusconi To Young Women: Seek Rich Guys Like Me [NYT]
Silvio Berlusconi [Wikipedia]

Earlier: Wine, Women, & Santa Costumes Have Italian Leader In Loads Of Trouble
Italy's Prime Minister (Again) Promotes Showgirls To Political Positions