Last night's grand (boring) event gave us all three fashion possibilities — in spades. Brace yourselves, and let's dissect.
Definitely in the top tier: Keri Russell's vintage Jean Louis Scherrer Haute Couture.
Toni Collette was another bright spot: her Valentino was both pretty and irreverent.
Rutina Wesley's evening print has a mid-century abstract vibe that makes you smile.
Arden Myrin was one of the few in a true mini - fit for a sugarplum fairy. (Or MAD TV.)
Kiernan Shipka: sweetly lovely.
Emily Blunt went unusually soft in a Christian Dior gown that was pure pretty.
Emily Deschanel's plum-colored Max Azria Atelier was one of the most striking looks of the evening - a refreshing change from all the Old-Hollywood classicism (not that it wasn't lovely.)
Carrie Preston's print was a vibrant bit of confidence.
And Lauren Graham: refreshing and elegant in Yigal Azrouel.
Ditto Julia Louis-Dreyfus, in artfully accessorized Narciso Rodriguez.
Jenna Fischer comes into her own, gussying up classic chiffon with persimmon and paillettes.
Shaun Robinson also rocked saturated color - somehow stopping just short of over-accessorized.
Jenna Ushkowitz wore one of the evening's prettiest pops of color.
On a lot of people, this much Escada abric could read as fussy; Julia Ormond's not a lot of people.
Jayma Mays went classic in Burberry.
Padma somehow never looks "basic," even in classic Carolina Herrera.
You may have heard that "black is back." Edie Falco's chic Bottega Veneta will surely be produced as evidence.
No one does regal like Jane Lynch when she tries: here she is in Ali Rahim.
Amber Riley was fabulously Grecian.
Also Olympian: Rose Byrne (although the Elsa Lanchester hair is...a strong choice.)
Old Hollywood glam was not neglected: see Sarah Hyland's Pamella Roland silk charmeuse.
If anyone comes by "bombshell" honestly, it's Mariska Hargitay, here in chiffon Vera Wang.
Brooke Burke goes classic glam.
And Elisabeth Moss, in Donna Karan, has the bearing as well as the lines of a bygone era.
Amy Poehler, in Max Azria, was Nora Charles-elegant. (And yes, we do want to see her in a screwball!)
Sparkle represented, never you worry. Claire Danes, in Armani Prive, was one of the evening's highlights in every sense.
Connie Britton is Rita Hayworth-slinky in custom Burberry.
Heather Morris may be a newbie, but you can't fault her commitment to sparkle motion!
Wanda Sykes brings it up a few decades; does not turn down the glam.
Let's get to the riskier choices. I gotta say, kinda loving that Christina Hendricks went all-out in this Zac Posen. And how fab is the color?
Now, this one's already controversial, with some alleging that January Jones' Versace swallows her. I disagree: and I like the risk.
At this point, "princess" is kinda Dianna Agron's thing, and I'm digging the consistency - as well as the unabashed femininity of this Caroline Herrera.
Would it be a stretch to call Betty White's rainbow sherbert "good?" What, you want me to put her in "bad?" She compromises her comfort for no one!
Now, there was a special category for those whose gowns left me cold but who worked them to such an extent that they still looked rad. Under this heading I'd put Tina Fey and her Oscar de la Renta.
I'd put Lea Michele - also in Oscar! - here too.
And Kelly Osborne: she's looking bombshell, but I can't get behind the shmatte!
Risk: good. Being ready for an Aida walk-on? Also, I guess, good. And definitely nice to see Alexander McQueen represented!
I was wth Jewel's Murad until we hit the sash: pretty overload!
Stephanie Pratt seems to have forgotten that the Emmys were tonight...likewise, her trousers.
The fit of Kate Gosselin's bodice is somehow off; the whole thing gives her a slightly-inappropriate-chaperone vibe.
Slink AND metallics AND the clutch? The effect is somehow more "Goddess!" than old Hollywood!
Kate Linder brazens out the awkward lengths.
In case you missed the vagina on the gown's bodice. (Lauren Sanchez, sexyface.)
Dig Lo Bosworth's color, kinda digging the daffy secretary thing...but for the Emmys?
Maria Menounos seems to feel, if a little embellishment's good...
Y'know how I hated the dresses, but still had to give props to some of the "Goods?" How I wish I could do that for Kristen Wiig!
And Mindy Kaling! Because, obviously, this is all kinds of awesome.
This movement needed its own category! Heidi Klum...
The grand prize of the evening, without contest, goes to Rita Wilson's George Lucas special,
[Image via Getty]