Are you desperate to achieve the perfect butt and perhaps a fan of the occult? For just $8.95, you can achieve your dreams by buying one "Booty Enhancement Spell" from a "Powerful Wiccan Witch" on eBay. Hurry, supplies are limited!
Wondering how it all works? Allow "moonstruck9000" to explain:
Candles, herbs, oils, gemstones, and some other magical crap? There's no way this won't work! Though, just to be sure, you may want to order multiple castings. (It's unclear if this will make your buns bigger, or just more blindingly perfect.)
But don't take moonstruck9000's word for it. Have a look at all these unattributed and suspiciously similar reviews she includes in the ad:
Wait, so this spell will also make our butts pimple-free and help us win back the love of our middle school crushes? Or are those reviews for the other spells she's selling, including "rapid weight loss," "penis enhancement," and "wisdom of the ages"? (Moonstruck9000's "top-rated" status is making us question all eBay sellers.)
If you think this is all just a big joke, don't even bother contacting Moonstruck9000 — "serious inquiries only please." But of course, if her magic fails to give you a life-changing butt, you can always return it: