You're Never Too Young To Start Stealing Botox

  • A 33-year-old Brooklyn high school teacher was recently caught on tape faking a fall in order to miss her scheduled performance review. Security cameras show the unhappy woman throwing herself down a flight of stairs in a "controlled fall." Ilene Feldman denies that the tumble was anything other than an accident, however, when confronted with the tape she chose to resign rather than relive her clumsy attempt to avoid classroom observation.
  • Breaking: everything will give you cancer. Including, possibly, the UV lights used to dry polish at nail salons.
  • Does Sarah Palin really have a Facebook strategy? Sushannah Walshe thinks so. Palin, who has over 2 million online "friends," is apparently very "hands on" with her social media. "Anything that goes under her name is hers," says a staffer. I believe it.
  • Ye Haiyan, member of the China Women's Rights Workshops and advocate for sex workers' rights, was detained by plainclothes officers on Monday, less than a week after she called for the legalization of prostitution. Ye Haiyan's sister told reporters that police said they were taking Haiyan for several days of "studies." Prostitution is illegal in China, though the government recently ordered a ban on "prostitute parades," which officials organized to shame suspected sex workers.
  • The woman known as Tokyo's oldest resident has been missing for decades. Fusa Furuya, aged 113, hasn't been seen since the 1980s, according to her daughter. Her absence was only brought to light after officials discovered that Tokyo's oldest man had been dead for over 30 years.
  • News that will surprise absolutely no one: Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi is into group sex. A prostitute testified at a corruption inquiry that she spent the night with Berlusconi - along with two other women.
  • Did you know that sleeping on your stomach can change the shape of your boobs? In order to prevent this tragedy, wedge a pillow between them and sleep on your side (or just buy a Kush!). The Checkup has some other fun body facts, including why your bellybutton smells and an explanation of tingling thighs.
  • Government-funded homeless shelters have recently noticed an increasing in the number of older women seeking housing. Sadly, we still don't really have a good idea of how many women are without shelter. "The census count of about 46,000 homeless women on any given night is a blunt tool because women are hidden, they don't sleep rough at night because of the dangers and boarding houses are largely unsafe for women," explained Ludo McFerran from the Older Women's Network.