Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

Here's one way to describe the Univision Premios Juventud Awards at Miami's BankUnited Center: awesome. Here's another: Shakira was in a plunging sparkle mini...and was among the most demure getups there.

Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

If the evening had a theme, it'd have to be not-so-virginal white. Exhibit A: TV personality Karla Martinez and her Medieval shoes.


Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

B? TV personality Elizabeth Lopez's mangy milkmaid.


Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

Disney alum Selena Gomez actually plays it straight, looks chic and cool.


Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

NB: Alejandra Espinoza is wearing a romper.


Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

Irma Martinez goes 60s-futuristic.


Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

Musician Ivy Queen looks pissed off that we can see so much of her breasts. Hey, we don't like it either.


Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

Shakira: restrained, in a Byzantine sort of way.


Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

Remember when Wlmer Valderrama dated, like, everyone? Even though he always had this smug, knowing thing going?


Boobage. Glitz. Death Stares. It's The Univision Red Carpet!

We could debate for hours what's most disturbing about this image.

[Images via Getty]