The trailer for season two of Jersey Shore—premiering July 29—will get fans (and fists) pumped. There's new cast hookups, new acronyms, infighting, hair-pulling, ass-slapping, and boob-smooshing. Also, Snooki's vagina hurts. Much more after the jump.
So, if you didn't know, the gang is in Miami, since filming commenced in the middle of winter. Angelina (who only appeared in the first three episodes of season one) has returned, much to the dismay of Sitch.
But Pauly D welcomes her back with open palms.
This inevitably leads to drama, due to some messy inter-cast hookups stemming from season one, off-camera downtime, and into season two. Here's a quick history/breakdown, not necessarily in sequential order: The Situation had a thing with Sammi, who later dated Ronnie, who Sammi suspects JWoww has a crush on. JWoww has hooked up with Pauly D, who apparently hooked up with Angelina, who had sex with Vinny, who ends up having sex with Snooki, who implied that his ween is like this:
Maybe that's why her vagina hurts? (I wanted to make a fist-pumping joke here, but it's still too early in the day, I think.)
So anyway, it would seem that Angelina is still pulling her slut-shaming bullshit and gets mad at Snooki for having sex with the guys in the cast (despite the fact that Angelina's bedpost has the same amount of cast-member notches on it) and it leads to a brawl between the girls, in which Snooki is, once again, punched on camera.
Snooki feels as though Angelina is the "kryptonite to [her] fuckin' tan."
Sammi and Ronnie are still doing their on-again-off-again thing, and for a moment, things are very much on-again.
Except secretly, Ronnie is doing stuff this:
For some reason, Sammi decides to take out her aggression over the matter on JWoww. Big mistake.
Meanwhile, The Situation, Vinny and Pauly have dubbed themselves MVP, as in Mike, Vinny, Pauly. (You know that the drunken night when they thought of that, it totally blew their minds.)
They're busy hanging out, creeping, and ordering pizza.
Did you notice the other new acronym on the chalkboard there? GFF: Grenade Free Foundation.
Hold on to your tits, because this is going to be bumpy ride (that will probably hurt your vagina, but in a good way.)