Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

I don't know what the BET awards are! I still don't know! Nor do I really care! But I have found a soulmate named Kojo!

Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

It looks like Fergie's dress was supposed to be really ~elegant~ what with the satin and simple colors and butt sash. However, butt sash.


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

I feel nostalgic about Ciara's Balmain dress, for it is like a checklist of all the things my sister and her friends wore in 2001, when they were in 6th grade — lace-up converse, studs, and that kind of baroque pattern in bandanna form.


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

I like tuxedo blazers and striped hot pants! Why not? And I have to give Jada Pinkett Smith props for somehow making it less tacky than it sounds, for I didn't even realize how gaudy the concept is until I wrote it down.


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

I don't know who Travis Barker is but if I were to guess from his attire and accessory choice of Child With Mohawk, he would be the dude who inexplicably gave our car the finger at McDonald's this one time. I like his daughter's dress, though.


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

Ashanti's shoulders are kinda Georgia O'Keeffe but more of a Project Runway interpretation than a Jil Sander interpretation.


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

This ambitious young fellow, whose name I am told is "Kojo," looks like a budding Dexter (the cartoon scientist AND the serial killer).


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

Tatyana Ali wore a pretty purple Versace dress, that I want to eat.


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

Brandy's dress looks like some cool knit contraption that a fashion student from Central St. Martins or Antwerp would make.


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

Rozonda Thomas wore a silk brown jumpsuit, which concerns me about possibly awkward moments a photographer may have captured that night.


Mad Scientist Uniforms and Georgie O'Keeffe Shoulders at the BET AwardsS

Nia Long's outfit looked like something our new friend Kojo might have created. I like a sci-fi vibe and a belt that looks like the Other Mother's hand in Coraline.