Welcome back to Midweek Madness! We read Star, In Touch, Us, Ok! and Life & Style, and found out the name of Angelina's new kid, the truth about Megan Fox's face and what Sarah Palin doesn't know about Bristol.
"Yes! I Am Having A Baby"
This piece claims that in an interview with a women's magazine which will hit stands in the fall, Jennifer Aniston will reveal that she is ready to have a kid. What we don't know is whether it will be biological or adopted, but the article notes that Jen's dream is to "look into her baby's eyes and see a little bit of herself looking back." Then again, she visited an orphanage in Mexico. But! She'd prefer to get knocked up by the man of her dreams, but may ask Jason Sudeikis or Gerard Butler. Hmm. Moving on: Please take a close look at the image above the text "Kristen & Rob Ready To Wed" on the cover. Do you think they actually posed together? Do you think she is actually holding flowers? No and no! The editors carefully crafted this wedding-ish image to lure you in! A source says that RPatz and KStew will go away, and sometimes, when they come back, "Rob will refer to Kristen as his wife, and she'll be all giggly and blushing." If they DO get married, it will be a small wedding, and Rob is a beer connoisseur, so Stella will be served instead of champagne. Their wedding song will be "Across The Universe." Next: A story called "Baby Number Two On The Way!" uses an arrow to point at Katie Holmes' tummy and ask, "Is Katie sporting a tell-tale bump?" But in the actual article, we learn that Katie is getting more sleep and THINKING about getting pregnant. "Ashlee's Body Makes Jessica Jealous" is all about how Jessica Simpson is jealous of her little sister's physique — "Oh, to have the body of a 25-year-old," the text sighs. Boo. Meanwhile: Russell Brand already calls Katy Perry "my wife." In "What I Ate Today," Giuliana Rancic says she had a yogurt parfait for breakfast, brown rice sushi from Whole Foods for lunch, homemade pasta with lots of cheese for dinner, and then she and her husband split three brownies with vanilla ice cream for dessert. "People are always like, there's no way you eat, because you're in shape. I eat." She goes to the gym five or six days a week, though.
Grade: F, AS USUAL (90° at work in the city with no air conditioning)
Life & Style
"Last Minute Bikini Body."
If you're on your way to the beach and you forget something, don't worry — you can pick up a last-minute bikini body! There are four pages of random tips about looking good in a bikini, but basically it boils down to: Watch what you eat, never go hungry, exercise, and try the apple cider vinegar shot thing that Megan Fox does, which will surely give you ripped abs. Also, the cover is weird: The background is a construction of Photoshop colors made to insinuate a beach, Beyoncé's swimsuit seems altered or colored in (that doesn't even look like fabric over there on the right) and Kristin's body looks stretched. Next: Kim Kardashian is dating Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Miles Austin. A British woman named Cat Winter has spent $20,000 trying to be a Lady Gaga impersonator — she needed a boob job, costumes and choreography — and now she charges $750 a gig. Kendra hates that her sex tape has her old boobs in it. Matthew Morrison's "sexy bedroom" is totally not sexy. (see image 7) Kate Gosselin has spent $21,000 on her hair in the last five months. Is Justin Bieber under too much pressure? A bunch of psychologists who don't treat him get all worked up since fans follow him and try to "pet him." One mentions new sensation Greyson Chance and says: "I'm concerned that when Justin is no longer the flavor of the month, it will be traumatic for him."
Grade: F (90° at noon in the desert with no shade)