Welcome back to Midweek Madness! The tabs cooked up delicious stuff today: Is Kate Middleton pregnant? Does Bobby Flay's wife know he's seeing January Jones? What will Heidi Montag look like at 64? Are Glee's Artie and Tina in love?
"Finally… A New Man For Kate!"
There is no new man. Kate is "preparing herself for the daunting task of making a fresh start with a new man." There are some bullshit quotes from "insiders" and "sources" about how awkward it will be for Kate to have a first kiss and date when she has eight kids and so on. She went on ONE date with football coach back in December — and it didn't work out. But she's on JDate and eHarmony! Moving on: Glee's Kevin McHale and Jenna Ushkowitz — aka Artie Abrams and Tina Cohen-Chang — are dating in real life! An onlooker saw them on the beach in Monaco and says they acted very much like a couple! The two embraced, went under water, and came up laughing. Plus! They each have Beatles-inspired tattoos: Hers says "Imagine." His says "Let it be." TOO CUTE. Is Jennifer Garner pregnant? The mag has a picture of her, with an arrow pointing at her tummy, and the caption, "baby maybe?" In Breaking Dawn, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart want to show "tasteful but extremely sexually charged nudity," says an insider. They're hoping to make the final chapters more adult, which makes sense, because if you were 16 when the first movie came out, you'll be 21 when last one is released. Next: Tiger Woods dropped the kids off with Elin Nordegren, and she "let him" kiss her. But when he asked if she still wanted a divorce, she said yes. Finally: Jennifer Aniston likes Jason Sudeikis because he has a "wicked, dry" wit. And she is also impressed with his knowledge of current events and politics — "she's missed being with an intellectual," says a source Burn, John Mayer!
Grade: F (pickle milkshake)
"Bachelorette Lies & Betrayal"
Since we refused to read this cover story, go ahead and glean what you can from the short blurb on the cover: "Cheaters, fame-seekers and psychos!" Which is what you'll find on the cast of EVERY reality show, no? Moving on: Tom Cruise has been making "obvious hints" to Katie Holmes that she needs Botox. An insider says "Katie hates needles and wants to look natural. But Tom would point out that Victoria Beckham looks amazing and it seems like she has probably had work done." Jennifer Aniston is in a "risky new romance" with Jason Sudeikis — she lobbied for him to appear in Horrible Bosses and "wouldn't have pushed for him to get the part unless she saw a future with him," according to a source. The mag notes "he could be trouble," because when he was married, he had other women on the side. He told chicks that he and his wife had split, when they hadn't. His divorce was finalized in March. A source says that when Jen was filming in Hawaii, she would Skype with Jason, and would have "an extra spring in her step" afterward. The "Hollywood Nannies Tell All" feature is a little underwhelming, but here's what we learned: The Jolie-Pitts' nanny had to put up with Shiloh's temper tantrums, which included throwing broccoli at her, and Zahara's "death stare." She says: "Zee is the leader of the kids. She's taught all of them how to act out and get the biggest reactions." Kelly Bensimon's former nanny says Kelly starts her day by spiking her coffee with tequila. The nanny was the fourth person in four months to work for Kelly, and at Kelly's daughter's school, the lady at the front desk told the nanny: "I hope you don't have a breakdown like the last lady." Madonna and her kids follow a strict macrobiotic diet — no salt, sugar or fast food. And the kids never watch TV, and magazines and newspapers are not permitted in the home. Tom Cruise's kids are sheltered and Suri is "surrounded by adults" and rarely sees kids her own age. Lastly: Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore went to see Get Him To The Greek and when Ashton tried to buy popcorn and soda, his credit card was declined. Instead of being denied snacks like you or I would be, the manager apologized profusely and gave Ashton and Demi everything for free. FML.
Grade: F (cornflakes with ketchup)
"Why She'll Break His Heart"
Robert Pattinson is "obsessed" with Kristen Stewart, and wants to propose, while she's into him right now but isn't sure about the future. He would be willing to go public with their relationship and hold hands on the street, but she doesn't want to. Yawn. Next: The celeb for the "25 Things You Don't Know About Me" column is Liz Taylor! "I'm mad for Law & Order and have seen every episode." And: "My very first memory is of pain." And: "I'm still heartbroken that Richard Burton never won an Oscar." Plus:"I'm sincerely not worried about getting old." And: "In my 20s, I nearly lost my eye and my leg — I still have them both, tee hee." Next, "Ageless A-Listers" is a Dorian Gray-feature, with pictures of actors today and 10 years ago, and it's tough to tell which is which! (see image 7) Megan Fox got engaged on the beach in Hawaii, according to a witness, but lost the ring in the sand. Hotel staff spent a couple of hours looking for it, but couldn't find it! There's a two-page interview with RHONJ's Dina Manzo, if you're interested in learning why she left the show (hint: Danielle Staub). Apparently Lindsay Lohan Tweets to random celebs, but they don't Tweet her back. Asked about LL (his ex), Wilmer Valderrama says: "It troubles me. There's nothing anyone can say anymore. Someone has to want to get better."
Grade: D- (Oreo clam chowder)