Welcome back to Midweek Madness. This week, the celebrity tabloids taught me and Margaret that if you see a man in the back of a chauffeured SUV, looking glum and sipping beer from a bottle, that man is Brad Pitt.
"A Wedding Just Like Diana's"
On May 26, Star magazine's cover story was chock full of details about the "wedding of the century" — Prince William and Kate Middleton's nuptials. Even though they are not engaged. The mag crowed that there would be salmon! And fruit! And guests like Elton John! Now OK! has imagined what the royal wedding will be like in an "exclusive royal special!" By the by, despite the words on the cover, you are not invited. We find it especially offensive that the mag attributes thoughts and dreams to a dead woman. The text reads, "Princess Diana often dreamt of the great man her son William would one day become — and the fairy-tale wedding she would create for him." And an insider claims: "Princess Diana talked about what she wanted her sons' weddings to be like even when she was pregnant with them." Wha??? More: "Diana imagined that she would treat her future daughter-in-law like her own daughter." So here's how Wills and Kate's wedding will be a "tribute" to Diana's: William will give Kate Diana's sapphire ring. There were rumors that they would get married in November to honor the queen's wedding anniversary, but now they will get married next summer, to honor the 30th anniversary of Prince Charles and Lady Di's wedding. which took place July 29, 1981. Also! William and Kate will use Diana's fave song, "Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square" for their first dance, and Kate will carry white roses because that was Diana's fave flower. Oh, and Kate will wear a dress that is "soft eggshell white" like Diana's. (And like brides all over the world!) Check out this sidebar, "advice from Diana" from beyond the grave (see image 7). Carrie Underwood is having a "wedding war" with her fiancé: They're "battling" over the location, the guest list size, and whether or not they'll serve barbecue. Mmm. Ribs. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher do naked workouts together. Avril Lavigne is secretly engaged to Brody Jenner — even though she is still technically married to Deryck Whibley. Jessica Simpson is still infatuated with Billy Corgan, but she wants to have kids and he puts "his art" first. Angelina Jolie's birthday last Friday ended in tears! On the day before her birthday, witnesses say Brad Pitt was "lost in thought" as he spent hours drinking beer in the back of a chauffeur-driven SUV, riding aimlessly around L.A. Maybe he was trying to think of a good present for the woman with everything? A source says: "I don't think Angelina knew where he went, and that's probably why she got so mad. There was some speculation that he was hoping to see Jennifer Aniston." So he drove aimlessly around L.A. looking for her? The mag claims that when Brad got home, "a fierce argument erupted." Angie "burst into tears," says an insider, "and canceled plans to see Sesame Street Live. All the kids were looking forward to it." Sniffle!
Grade: F (beer in the back of an SUV)