How I Broke Up With Lost And Never Looked BackS

In 2008, I was seeing a seductive, thrilling lover who often mysteriously disappeared, leaving me with hundreds of unanswered questions. In other words, I was watching Lost. We broke up; I vowed never to watch again. Now the show's ending.

If we push this metaphor further, it's like my ex is about to die. A few months ago, my friend Workhorse asked, "You're not even going to watch this season? The last season?" No. "What about the finale?" No. What's done is done. I meant what I said when I claimed we were over: I have not watched Lost since 2008.

The thing is: My ex has lots of fans and is in the news all the time, and everyone's talking about him. Especially now, since he's about to disappear again — this time, forever. Is it painful for me to hear all the buzz about him? Watch him get showered with attention? Not really. Once upon a time, it warmed my heart to hear Sawyer call Kate "Freckles." I read Hurley's blog, I had fluttery feelings when thinking of Sayid and Nadia, I worried about Walt, I mourned Mr. Eko. But the uncertainty! The emotional abuse! I never knew what was going on, or whether, when we'd meet (once a week, if I was lucky), the show would make me laugh, cry, or get so frustrated I'd be forced to say, out loud, What. The. Fuck.

So I said goodbye. I don't regret it. And I never have to wonder what could have been — because every now and then, I peek at Tracie's recaps. (Come on, like you don't check up on your ex online from time to time?) What I see there is sooo predictable. The same old, same old. More questions than answers. Misdirection. Subterfuge. Worse, this show is responsible for the deaths of people I loved! I like my TV intense. I like my TV funny. I like my TV dramatic. But I hated being strung along, confused, left in the dark. I hated the rumors, and the months of silence. And so, as the end nears, I find myself strangely unmoved by the hoopla and frenzy leading up to the finale. It's time. My ex had a good run. I hope the fans enjoy the last hurrah, and I hope all the actors go on to wonderful things and pop up again in my life (especially you, Josh Holloway). But I don't need to see for myself how the story gets resolved, or which loose ends are tied up. My days of being emotionally involved in a complicated plot overloaded with characters and issues of life and death are over.

Now where's that season 5 DVD of The Wire?

PS: Just like some people keep old love letters, I still have this in my hatch cabinet:

How I Broke Up With Lost And Never Looked BackS

Earlier: I Have An Abusive Boyfriend, And He's Coming Home At 8