In Touch
"Tormented By Their Men."
Reggie Bush is "tormenting" Kim: He was on a date with some other woman and kept complimenting her, and told her that her body is amazing. The lady asked how her body compares to Kim's, and Reggie said that the lady's was better, because Kim's body "is totally fake." Later in the piece, a "friend" says Kim has hired a professional matchmaker to help her find love. She wants a rich, successful businessman… but doesn't have a lot of time to meet guys. Meanwhile, Scott Disick has been taunting Kourtney about her weight. She feels so bad about her post-baby curves that she might get a "minor" tummy tuck. Next is the story that should have been on the cover: For Mother's Day, Britney planned an outing to Disneyland for herself and the boys. — a VIP visit that included meeting characters and front-row seats for the fireworks. At the hotel, Britney and Jason Trawick had a fight — the boys were in the adjoining room with the nannies — and Britney locked herself in her room. A source says, "Jason and the boys were left sitting with the nannies all day. They never got to meet Mickey Mouse." Sniffle. The nannies ended up rushing the kids through the park. That night, things got worse: Britney had scissors sent up to her room and later, when housekeeping showed up, "so much hair had been flushed down the toilet, it was blocked." Here are the "warning signs" that Britney is having a "bizarre meltdown": She hacked her hair, she got out of a car without wearing undies and flashed onlookers; she's having moodswings and she looks tired. Also inside: Renee Zellweger has been visiting Bradley Cooper on the set of The Dark Fields and spending a lot of time with his mom, because she's trying to prove that she'll be the perfect wife. She's "100% ready" to marry Bradley — however, he feels suffocated by her clingy-ness. Sandra Bullock hired a private plane and flew in the middle of the night to bring little Louis to visit Jesse James — that's why she was in Austin! Jesse and Sandra met on a friend's private ranch, and Jesse brought his 14-year-old daughter, Chandler. Kevin Jonas and his wife Danielle are sleeping in separate beds, because Kevin "snores light a freight train," but she didn't know, since they never spent the night together before they were married. A source claims that Freida Pinto and Dev Patel are getting married in India this summer. The evidence is that they asked about shipping a cake from a bakery in LA to India for the wedding! The two had their first date at said bakery. Here's a silly story about Angelina: The cover line states, "Angelina and Brad fight over Shiloh." Then the headline inside reads, "The Fight Over Shiloh's Birthday." And the actual story is that Angelina isn't inviting Brad's parents to Shiloh's party, and Brad got upset. But all the info here points toward trying to keep the grandparents from flying too much — they'll see the kids in July, and when you have six kids and live in France, can you really expect grammy and gramps to be at every single birthday? Anyway, here are some other details: Maddox had a soldier-themed party when he turned four, so Shiloh wants the same. Shiloh wants "boys' toys," and she will get new boots, toy guns, and a new bed that looks like a spaceship! Brad also bought her a kiddie Jeep. Moving along: Demi Moore is jealous of Natalie Portman, who is shooting Friends With Benefits with Ashton Kutcher. But! Demi and Natalie are "so alike" because they have both stripped in a movie, done period films, and shaved their heads for a role! The producers of The Hills have pushed the cast to do shady things. For instance: They wanted Lo to make a sex tape, but she and her boyfriend said no. The producers were the ones who started the "Kristen has a cocaine problem" story — but said it was Stephanie Pratt, so K and S would fight. The producers encouraged Heidi and Spencer to spread false rumors that Lauren Conrad had a sex tape, and they're planning on bringing JustinBobby back, to force a confrontation between Audrina, her new boyfriend Ryan Cabrera, and JB. Oh look, another Miley Cyrus panic: Miley is "too sexy too soon" because she was seen dancing provocatively at a club. Why was she at the club? It was her mom's birthday party! She kept grinding and showing her bra all night. Taylor Momsen is 25 lbs. underweight, according to an "eyewitness" and a doctor who has never met her. Finally: "Nobody does it like Kingston!" (see image 12)
Grade: C- (yellow flame)

Jezebel

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This Week In Tabloids: Sandra’s Loving Her Baby; Britney’s Having A Meltdown & Gaga Is A Lush