Michael Douglas Won't Sign Anything For Polanski; Gene Simmons Did Not Grind That WomanS

  • Polanski's lawyers, naturally, went the victim-shaming route (so edgy!) and his lead supporter, French philosopher Bernard-Henri Levy, said that Lewis' statement didn't change his mind because, really, it's all about the shameful legal proceedings. Riiiight. [Agence France Presse]
  • One of Charlotte Lewis' childhood friends says that she wasn't promiscuous as a teenager, not that having sex means you can't be raped, and isn't a liar. He thinks she came forward now because she doesn't care about Hollywood's rules any longer. [Radar Online]
  • KISS bassist and nauseating sex tape maker Gene Simmons filed suit against ESPN make-up artist Victoria Jackson, whose lawyers demanded $185,000 from Simmons to keep from filing a harassment suit. She claims he ground he pelvis into her; he claims his armored costume would have prevented it. Having seen the sex tape, I can vouch for the utter lack of movement in Simmons' hips, at least. [Reuters]
  • ZOMG, Ashton Kutcher might soon have fewer Twitter followers than Britney Spears! Please attempt to keep living your life normally. [People]
  • Matt Lauer's mother-in-law initially confirmed that her daughter Annette wasn't wearing her wedding ring and was doing fine in the wake of their break-up, despite Lauer's statement that he hadn't moved out. Snore. [National Enquirer]
  • And in a triple-play of things you didn't give a shit about, admitted Tiger Woods' mistress Joslyn James obligingly trashes supposed Tiger Woods mistress Rachel Uchitel on camera for TMZ because everyone loves two women arguing and no one gives a shit about either one of them anymore. [TMZ]
  • Amanda Seyfried has panic attacks and wants to have a career in acting, rather than a moment. Also, her publicists want her to stop being self-deprecating in interviews because they are idiots. [LA Times]
  • Cameron Douglas has finally been transferred to the minimum security prison at which he is expected to serve out the remainder of his sentence. True to form, despite his years-long heroin addiction, they have no plans to treat him for drug abuse until shortly before he will be released, because our prison system is seriously fucked up. [People]
  • Elton John dedicated a song that I can now not get out of my head ("I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues") to Vanessa Redgrave and she cried and thanked him. Feel free to hum that the rest of the day. [Page Six]
  • Three dudes that are suing Lindsay Lohan supposedly offered to take less in the lawsuit settlement if she passed sobriety tests. Also, their lawyers totally didn't leak that to the media for sympathy for them or anything, promise. [TMZ]
  • Florence Henderson would like to be on Glee or SNL and also tells dirty jokes, people. [ONTD]
  • Dennis Rodman: still drinking and cross-dressing. America: still ignoring Dennis Rodman. [Page Six]
  • The Food Network's former "Calorie Commando" attempted to hire homeless people to kill someone for him. No, for real. [Associated Press]
  • A hacker has released videos of Michael Jackson's kids, and the family is upset. [People]
  • Queen Latifah and her personal trainer, Jeanette Jinkins, purchased a home together in California. People are, naturally, drawing conclusions despite the fact that the house cost $1.3 million (more than a personal trainer could likely afford) and there's no indication that they cohabitate in it.. [The Real Estalker, Metro Weekly, ONTD]
  • To cleanse your palette, here are some extremely hot pictures of Ricky Martin's maybe-boyfriend Valerio Pino naked but not showing his penis. You're welcome. [Just Jared]