So much drama today in Midweek Madness! There might be four SATC flicks; Heidi Montag's a prisoner in her own home; Lindsay Lohan's telling her little sister to get a nose job and implants, James Franco's student film features penises.
"Rob Tells Oprah: Kristen's Pregnant!"
How does this magazine not get sued? Here's how: When talking about all the tabloid speculation surrounding their relationship, Robert Pattinson joked that Kristen Stewart was knocked up, and KStew quipped, yeah and he's carrying the baby. What you need to know here is that Kristen Stewart is not pregnant, but Rob uttering the line "suggests he's got babies on the mind," according to the mag. Dr. Robie Ludwig, a psychotherapist and relationship expert who has never treated the couple, says: "In a way, he's letting the public know that he's having sex with her." Uh, okay. In other not-real pregnancy news, a source says Sienna Miller wants to "make it official" with Jude Law — "she really wants to get pregnant." Cameron Diaz and Kate Hudson are still "at war" over Alex Rodriguez. Kate is "desperate" to get back together with A-Rod and finds it "humiliating" that he's with Cammie. "It was like a knife through her heart," a source says. Next, Heidi Montag has become Spencer Pratt's "little blonde puppet." He made her give up all her friends and choose between him and her family, and they argue about which of them is more famous. As for Kendra, a source says that her mother and her brother see this whole sex tape thing as a way to make money now that Kendra is soooo famous. A guy from Vivid describes what's on the tape: "It's an amazing strip tease from her, and at the end of the tape, she blows a kiss to the camera. It's not set up. It feels very natural. That's what's going to make this tape so special." You know, we thought he'd say something different after the word "blows." Lastly: Here's what Ivanka Trump ate today: She started with a cappuccino, then Greek yogurt with pomegranate seeds mixed in. Then she had a tunafish sandwich at her desk and a snack of mozzarella sticks. For dinner: Pasta, with cheese on top. Scintillating.
Grade: F (Bounced Checks And The City)
Life & Style
"Headed For A Split"
Apparently Hank is "totally upset and embarrassed" that Kendra has a sex tape — which might get released. According to the mag, "because she got engaged to the man of her dreams, she hid her questionable behavior from him." And the main reason he's embarrassed is because of his NFL team's possible reaction — but he's also very religious and making her pray. "Should she be on suicide watch?" asks the mag, pointing out that she hasn't posted to her blog or Twitter account since May 3. Moving on: James Franco showed his film — his graduate thesis project — at NYU recently, and an eyewitness says: "It pretty much had no plot and featured men in clown masks, men in dog masks, and shots of male genitalia urinating. I think everyone was shocked by how much male nudity there was." The mags claims Franco is "obsessed with naked men!" Next: Heidi is "trapped inside Spencer's prison." He is forcing Heidi to clean up after their un-housebroken dogs, the horror! Also, all the windows at their house are covered in covered in dark cloths and all exits are blocked. Heidi has been allowed to leave the house only three times in the last month. "To insure that Heidi doesn't disobey him, Spencer has moved a guard into the house," reports the mag. Spencer tells Life & Style: "It's true, I do have a Marine in the house. He's helping me write a script. And yes, we've been out of the house only three times this month, but that's because I'm busy working on several business ventures." Meanwhile, Heidi wants to get another breast augmentation surgery — and go up to a size H — in the next six weeks. Sandra Bullock is now living in New Orleans, and she visited a few "small but prestigious" art galleries. "It seems like she's getting personally involved in the decoration of her new home." Next: Kim Kardashian without makeup! (see image 7) — too bad 63% of people polled prefer Kim Kardashian with makeup (see image 8).
Grade: D- (Rednecks And The City)