Some 33 years after Elvis's death, his personal doctor has continued the search for insight into the King's untimely demise. And he's found Elvis's colon. Let what follows serve as a warning to us all.


It's bad news for die-hard Elvis fans, who no doubt prefer to think of their idol as a man who was in full control of his bodily functions. But he was not: He suffered from bowel paralysis, and treatments at the time were such that Elvis had accidents on stage.

Just think about that for a second. He's singing "Suspicious Minds" — you can't see these tears are real — and he's crapping his pants. No, we couldn't see, but those tears were very, very real.


And the tears keep on coming: Elvis's colon was "5 to 6 inches in diameter" — that's about twice the size as your run-of-the-mill colon. It was 8 to 9 feet long (again, twice the normal size). And according to the autopsy reports, when the King passed away, he did so with 4 or 5 months' worth of waste in his gargantuan bowels.

This is equal parts nauseating and sad, but consider it a public service announcement. We've had much discussion of our bowels, our woes, our search for bloat-free solutions to keep things moving. And we laugh, because poop is funny. But it can kill you.

Chronic Constipation Killed Elvis Presley [NY Daily News]


For more on Jezebel's brave coverage of constipation, go here.