Us
"Destroyed By Fame."
Basically, Heidi Pratt is a "walking FrankenBarbie," Audrina Patridge has implants and a stalker, and "resident bitch" Kristin Cavallari has been "sucked into the L.A. party scene." Heidi and Spencer are desperately "clinging" to fame with freakshow surgeries, and a source says: "They are addicted to the fame. As The Hills dies down and people start to care less, they are desperate to get back that high." Apparently Heidi and Spencer's Hills contract precludes them from doing other TV shows, so they're finding other ways to stay in the news — a source claims that Spencer's allegation that Hills creator Adam DiVello sexually harassed Heidi was a publicity stunt. Meanwhile, Lauren Conrad thinks Heidi's journey is "sad" and Kristin has been spotted doing lines of coke. Next: A source claims that Brad Pitt thinks Jennifer Aniston is "pathetic" for having her home in Architectural Digest, and says she was never that into architecture when they were married. It was his hobby, and she even made fun of him for it. Johnny Depp has been throwing hotel parties while filming The Tourist in Venice, and only members of a "VIP clique" are invited. Johnny and some of the guys who work on the movie set up a screening room in the hotel and will do a big group dinner, then stay up watching films until 3 a.m. "They play music together in his suite," says a source. "Johnny is amazing on the guitar." Guess who is not invited to these soirées? His costar, Angelina Jolie! Is Lindsay Lohan bad influence on 16-year-old sister Ali Lohan? While they were at the Coachella music festival, Lindsay sent a mass text asking for a "fist," which is her term for a measure of cocaine. Sources say she "regularly abuses" Adderall, and recently she was "dazed" in the bathroom of Chateau Marmont, and then Ali walked in, "looking like she was on something." An insider says: "I have witnessed Lindsay giving pills from her purse to Ali." Maybe it was Midol? Lindsay tells Us: "Ali is just visiting me. I am not raising her." In an "oh, snap moment," the Us copy reads: "Which begs the question, who is?" Also inside: Shots from Christina Aguilera's new video (see image 8)! Lastly, Us loves attempting to distinguish itself from the other yellow-headlined tabloids by showing how fake their covers are: Remember when Jen was having Gerard's baby? (see image 9)
Grade: D- (eroded nasal septum)