The Taxonomy Of Proud AssholesSadie Stein3/31/10 1:40pmFiled to: jerksGiant assholesTucker Maxpaul jankaArthur KadeRahm EmanuelRush LimbaughAnn CoulterHoward SternDenis LearyDustin DiamondSean PennJohn MayerKeshaJustinBobbyspencer prattJeremy PivenRussell Crowegordon ramsayBobby FlayTop2792EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkThere have always been dicks, douchebags and asses. But it's only in our time that the pursuit of assholery has become not just acceptable but a quality — nay, a full-time job to which individuals strive. Will it ever end?AdvertisementMaybe! There are tiny signs that the charms of the Proud Asshole are palling. An article in today's Guardian says the macho chef, a la Gordon Ramsey, may be on the wane, and the dismal ticket sales of Tucker Max's I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell adaptation give all sentient beings reason to express cautious optimism. (Even if we sort of liked Proud Asshole Logan on The Gilmore Girls. But he was really more a classic rich-boy dick. ) How many dicks does it take to get to the end of this "trend?" The world may never know, but there are still more than enough types of assholes to go around. Let's group them by organisms, shall we?"Literary" Assholes: It's a tradition as old as Hemingway, but even Norman Mailer didn't have a website blaring the words "I'm Tucker Max and I'm an asshole." That also wasn't his entire gimmick. Just part of it.AdvertisementPundit Assholes: Talking heads have taken like loud-mouthed fish to water to the idea of the professional jerk. Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter have both positioned themselves as deliberate provocateurs whose every other word is designed to inflame and incite while they sit back, smirking.Veteran Assholes: Any discussion of this subject must of course involve Howard Stern, one of the first professional assholes, someone who embraced the label and saw its commercial possibilities. And extra points for keepin' on keepin' on, unflaggingly. And the fact that he probably influenced the persona of everyone else here.Comedian Assholes: Don Rickles has been on this shtick for a while, but even he did not sing "I'm an Asshole." For that, we needed autistic kid-ripper Denis Leary.SponsoredMusical Assholes: We may have lost the bravado of Oasis and co., but it's been replaced by something altogether more contrived. In another era, John Mayer probably would have stuck to earnest and sincere. Now, he's jumped on the asshole bandwagon, insulting journalists, leering about exes' sexual prowess and fancying himself a hipster provocateur. On the distaff side, Katy Perry seems to be making a valiant stab at the title, pursued closely by the Bieber-bashing Ke$ha.Seducer Assholes: While the vast majority of "pick-up artists" are actually just dorky losers, Paul Janka has gone the deliberate-asshole route, with underwhelming consequences. And to this category we'll add vague media personality, "financial advisor" and self-styled sexy asshole Arthur Kade.