And they're at the Sony Ericsson Open Kick-Off Party at LIV nightclub at Fontainebleau Miami! Kelly Bensimon! And the Williams sisters! And Mel B! And a lot of really gross clothes! So...yeah! Take that and...um...do stuff!

Seriously, though. Whenever I see shirts like this I wanna be like, "Okay. No one's arguing with you."


Besides, we knew we were in Miami: we saw Maddy Ford's "shirt." I kid! I like Florida. And people wear these shirts wherever the end of shame is sold.


Mel B, so un-scary.


Kelly Bensimon seems to have lost a button. Whatevs. We're all friends here.


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The one nice thing I can think of to say about Caroline Wozniacki's getup is that it kind of reminds me of in Meet Molly when they make ration-ready hula dancer Halloween costumes, and then Molly's brother sprays them with a hose to get them back for teasing him and then...yeah, I really can't think of anything else, so I'll stop.


Venus Williams, looking ridiculously pretty and effortless, kind of saved this whole event for me.


Sis, on the other hand, opted for the inexplicably having-a-moment "tumor chic."


Say what one will about Evelyn Lozada's outfit, she does display the all-white confidence promised by one of those tampon ads!


And you didn't think you were getting out of here without some skin-tight cheetah-print, did you? Agnieszka Radwanska has other plans for you.

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[Images via Getty.]