Nobody Cares About What Happens In Sex And The City 2

OMG, are you so excited? It's only 71 days until Sex and the City 2 hits theatres! So what do we know about the plot? Kinda nothing — and that's how the studio wants it. Which makes absolutely no sense.

According to E! gossip Ted Casablancas, the film remains shrouded in mystery because the studio means serious business. Aside from Darren Star's boring reveal that Big and Carrie "married now, so they just have lousy sex" (which is a really original character development, not that I expected anything else), there's very little out there about the film. Compare this to the hype leading up to the first flick: Everyone pretty much knew all the key points in advance — Carrie and Big break up, Miranda and Steve struggle, Samantha gets bored with Jared, and Charlotte…I don't even remember what Charlotte did. But this time around, according to an actor who spoke anonymously to Casablancas, "everyone working on the film-from the stars down to the makeup artists-have had to sign a $2.5 million nondisclosure agreement." And apparently Warner Bros. is taking that agreement quite seriously: Actor Noah Mills, for instance, dished a wee bit about his role as Samantha's love interest and now is in "serious trouble."

But why? Honestly, does anyone who's going to see this movie actually give a rat's ass about the plot of what is essentially a well-styled lady-orgy? For all we knew about the original's storylines in advance, audiences still came out in record-breaking droves to see their beloved characters totter about a fantasy city while wearing impossible shoes and outfits raging from enviable to perplexing. Perhaps, for some folks, the question of what would happen in the film's final 15 minutes kept their brains a little more engaged. But does your brain actually need to be engaged when watching this stuff? At least 90% of the reason I enjoyed the movie was because it didn't even touch my brain. The mindlessness of it all is what's fun; who cares about the story itself? The still-fabulous-Manhattan setting and nonsense wardrobes overwhelm any chance of relatability anyhow.

Sex and the City is not — and never will be — about entertaining audiences with a plot. The people who will see this movie — both the cultish devotees and those casually indulging their chick-flick needs — will see it no matter what they know beforehand. It seems silly, if not downright stupid, on the studio's part to quelch any spoilers: The less people know, the less people are talking. Silly Warner Bros. — you should know that if you feed it enough, the internet is the best hype machine money needn't buy.

SATC 2 Being Kept Super Secret — But Why? [E!]