Watching the Oscars with an uninterested male is a special thing. Whether he simply cannot comprehend what he's watching — or just refuses to figure it out — the endgame is always the same: a soundtrack of inanity.
We asked a small sample of lady friends to surreptitiously take notes on their male companions' utterings last night. The findings range from cantankerous to dumbass.
- "Sigourney Weaver? Is she still around? Oh, right. Avatar."
- "This makes me want to join Al Qaeda."
- Dude 1: "Sandra Bullock is boring."
Dude 2: "I think that's a strategy."
- "What's up with that guy's hair? He needed to close the window on the drive over." — re: Zac Efron
- Girl: "Look at Macaulay Culkin!"
Guy: "Wait, where?"
Girl: "That guy who's talking!"
Guy: "Wait — that's him, like, right now?"
Girl: "Yes, it's LIVE."
Guy: "That's what he looks like now?"
Guy: "Wow, he looks weird. Home Alone is such a great movie…"
[fades off to doing work on his computer]
- "Are Natalie Portman and Quentin Tarantino dating? They're sitting next to each other."
- "This is so embarrassing to everyone involved."
- [Huge yawn] "Er, sorry."
- "Her mom seems like some white-trash broad who snuck into the Oscars." — re: Miley Cyrus (or her mother, rather)
- "Oh, she's Frau whoever, right?" — re: Diane Kruger
- Husband: He's a good-looking dude.
Wife: Colin Farrell?
Husband: Oh. I thought that was T-Bone Burnett.
- "Come eat your dinner before it gets cold."