Out Of The Mouths Of Boys: What Dudes Say While Forced To Watch The OscarsS

Watching the Oscars with an uninterested male is a special thing. Whether he simply cannot comprehend what he's watching — or just refuses to figure it out — the endgame is always the same: a soundtrack of inanity.

We asked a small sample of lady friends to surreptitiously take notes on their male companions' utterings last night. The findings range from cantankerous to dumbass.

  • "Sigourney Weaver? Is she still around? Oh, right. Avatar."

  • "This makes me want to join Al Qaeda."

  • Dude 1: "Sandra Bullock is boring."
    Dude 2: "I think that's a strategy."

  • "What's up with that guy's hair? He needed to close the window on the drive over." — re: Zac Efron

  • Girl: "Look at Macaulay Culkin!"
    Guy: "Wait, where?"
    Girl: "That guy who's talking!"
    Guy: "Wait — that's him, like, right now?"
    Girl: "Yes, it's LIVE."
    Guy: "That's what he looks like now?"
    Girl: "YES."
    Guy: "Wow, he looks weird. Home Alone is such a great movie…"
    [fades off to doing work on his computer]

  • "Are Natalie Portman and Quentin Tarantino dating? They're sitting next to each other."

  • "This is so embarrassing to everyone involved."

  • [Huge yawn] "Er, sorry."

  • "Her mom seems like some white-trash broad who snuck into the Oscars." — re: Miley Cyrus (or her mother, rather)

  • "Oh, she's Frau whoever, right?" — re: Diane Kruger

  • Husband: He's a good-looking dude.
    Wife: Colin Farrell?
    Husband: Oh. I thought that was T-Bone Burnett.

  • "Come eat your dinner before it gets cold."