Hollywood's biggest night has arrived! Are you prepared?
I am: I've got pretzels and white Zinfandel. Let's do this.
The Hurt Locker wins Best Picture! Six Oscars! Really really great! I am happy… That the show is over. Good night guys, sorry for the tech issues, thanks for being here!
Kathryn Bigelow wins Best Director. History is made. "This is the moment of a lifetime," she says.
It was Sandra Bullock's year. It's "her time." That's what everybody said, and it's true, now. I shall watch All About Steve on demand to celebrate.
Oh, hey Spiccoli! I thought Sean Penn skipped this kind of stuff?
I love how Gabby is just smiling and psyched the whole time.
I think Oprah counts as a "special guest."
So: My updates are taking forever to save, and I am ready for this crap to be over.
I liked when The Dude said, "Roger Love, man. Thank you guys."
Kate Winslet is stunning. The Oscar goes to Jeff Bridges, of course. It seems like media speculation has really taken the surprise out of the show. No upsets, no gasps.
How fun would it be to go out drinking with Pedro and Quentin?
I want to see A Prophet. Entertainment Weekly gave it an A.
Best Foreign Language Film: El Secreto De Sus Ojos
Best Documentary: The Cove.
Best Film Editing: The Hurt Locker.
The boyfriend went to lie down, and I can't say I blame him. This show has been predictable and… un-lively, not that that's a word.
Best Original Score: Michael Giacchino, Up.
Best Visual Effects: Avatar
My Firefox quit after I made a screenshot of Sam Worthington. COINCIDENCE?
The dead people montage made me sleepy. Michael Jackson was kind of unexpected, though.
Best Cinematography: Mauro Fiore for Avatar.
How are you guys holding up? I'm a little bored.
Best Sound Editing: The Hurt Locker.
Best Sound Mixing: The Hurt Locker.
It's cool that The Hurt Locker has won something, that way it can be an "Oscar
winning film," no matter what happens later. (Winning. I mean WINNING.)
Here is Mo'Nique's acceptance speech:
Best Costume Design: The Young Victoria.
If your dress is choking you, you have made a poor choice of dress.
Best Art Direction goes to Avatar and noone thanks the person who made FernGully.
Mo'Nique wins Best Supporting Actress, not that anyone thought that she wouldn't.
If there's a fire in the theater it's because Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem have combusted from sheer hotness.
Queen Latifah walks out and the boyfriend goes, "You got me straight trippin, boo!"
Best Adapted screenplay: Precious.
Jeffrey Fletcher is fighting back tears. A very heartfelt speech. Did you see Sapphire in the audience?
Jake Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams look good together.
Best Makeup: Star Trek.
Ben Stiller's tail is resting on some steps and I feel uneasy. Sacha Baron Cohen was supposed to be with him, I think.
Best Live Action Short: The New Tenants.
Best Animated Short: Logorama.
"It took six years to make sixteen minutes."
Best Short Documentary:
Music By Prudence
Two WTFs: Why are there so many stairs on the stage, and why do they make women in voluminous dresses and high heels walk down them? Also: Playing "Thank Heaven For Little Girls" when Carey Mulligan and Zoe Saldana enter is fucking bullshit.
Molly Ringwald > Kristen Stewart
Remembering John Hughes. I love Weird Science because Kelly Le Brock is like a superhero. "Don't threaten me, Al. I'll kick your ass."
Best Original Screenplay: Mark Boal, The Hurt Locker.
As a screenwriting major, I really enjoy this recognition of the words.
Robert Downey Jr. will always be on my list.
Commercial break! I am going to pee and eat french fries.
Best Original Song: "The Weary Kind," from Crazy Heart.
This is for commenter amsci, who requested a Clooney bitch plz jpg!
And here's a gallery of Clooney grouch faces.
Best Animated Feature: Up.
Coraline looked really cute when she crossed her legs!
iPad commercial! Where are those period jokes?
Walz wins, no one looks shocked.
Here we go. Best Supporting Actor. My money's on Christoph Walz.
I'll admit it — I laughed at the Avatar dandelion gimmick.
Look at how happy Gabby is!
Meryl Streep is sofa king cool.
As a fan of MGM musicals and Busby Berkley, I am thrilled and titillated by this!
That jacket is not just shiny, it is striped.
My boyfriend just said "NPH is rad."
Holy shit they just put them right on the stage right away???!?
I have a feeling we're about to see Neil Patrick Harris. Seacreast hinted at it on the red carpet, right?
Thank HERA that was only half an hour. I can go back to never thinking about Kathy Ireland.
Kathy and Gabby: AWKWARD!
"I Sound Like My Mother" moment with Miley Cyrus: Stand up straight, young lady!
Tina Fey is luminous, and Steve Carrell's face makes me giggle.
I don't know what to think about the Whoopi Goldberg commercial for bladder control thingamajigs.
Subtlety has never been Jennifer Lopez's forte.
Why is Morgan Freeman chewing gum? Answer: Because he can.
Helen Mirren is a goddess among mortals, yes?
I just IMdB'd Kathy Ireland. She was in the seminal film Loaded Weapon.
Question: What are Kathy Ireland's qualifications? Besides having clothing at K-Mart?
All of these women look amazing. Penny Cruz is one of my girlcrushes! And Mo'Nique is regal tonight.
The Academy loves to tell us how awesome it is: "The most famous red carpet in the world." "A new decade of excellence." Yeah, yeah we know. Bring on some statuettes!