"There Is Nothing Sexier Than A Beautiful Woman Who Can't Poop"S

Yesterday, I made a confession: I have traveler's constipation. And when I get on a plane to see my long-distance boyfriend, I get so backed-up that I end up not letting him touch me. Thankfully, there's someone else who will.

March 3, 2010 3:08:13 PM EST

To: Jessica@jezebel.com

From: Tom

Subject: Have you moved your bowels yet?

There is nothing sexier than a beautiful woman who can't poop, and you qualify on both counts (if Google Images is to be believed). If that long-distance boyfriend deal ever falls through, please give me a call!

Have you achieved relief yet? And what's the longest you've ever gone without a bowel movement?

Your faithful reader,

Tom
202-(xxx)-(xxxx)

Image via Mugley's Flickr.

Earlier: I'm Constipated Therefore I Am: An Introduction