Make no mistake: The skies are really "friendly". To wit: A 34-year-old Delaware man was arrested yesterday after masturbating and exposing himself to a female passenger.
The woman didn't actually watch the gentleman rub one out, but she did hear "a swishing sound" (and don't try to wrap your head around how this made a "swishing noise," you'll just get frustrated). According to the affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun, a woman noticed Murali Nookella "fumbling underneath a blanket" on a Southwest flight from Denver to Philadelphia. The telltale signs were all there: Nookella's "eyes were closed and his hands moved around his groin area," underneath a "blanket pulled up to his waist." The woman, clearly not a fan of spontaneous softcore, went to move seats and "saw him holding his erect penis," at which point he said, "You caught me."
You caught me! As disgusting and upsetting as this story is, the honesty is amazing. There are a million ways it could have gone down: Was his confession angry? Ashamed? Defiant, like a Scooby Doo villain?
Of course, this is not the first time some perv has tried to join the one-man Mile High Club. An extremely cursory Googling reveals the following grossness:
- March 2008:
A woman files suit against American Airlines for failing to protect her while she was sleeping on a flight from Dallas to Los Angeles, wherein a man masturbated and ejaculated in her hair. No, her name was not Mary. (Sorry. Had to.)
- February 2009:
Two witnesses report seeing Oran Adams, 24, masturbating on a Delta flight from Cincinnati to New Orleans. The passengers, who got a camera-phone pic, alleged that Adams exposed himself for the entire flight. No sense of urgency to the situation, huh?
- March 2009:
Authorities investigate Grammy-winning merengue star Elvis Crespo, whose seatmate on a flight from Houston to Miami claimed that "Crespo covered himself with a blanket and began to masturbate, then exposed himself" — a mere 15 minutes after takeoff. That's some urgency.
Ugh. Isn't there a TSA watch list for this sort of thing?
Getting Off in Denver [The Smoking Gun]