It is a truth universally acknowledged that the most bloated, hackneyed, absurd ensemble films often result, for the same reasons, in the best premieres. Garner, Alba, Biel, Cooper, Hathaway, Beauvais, Roberts. The Valentine's Day premiere, at least, is worth seeing.

Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Doesn't Anne Hathaway look like she's poised to play Papagena in a new, modern production of The Magic Flute? No? Okay, then.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Jessica Alba's agent was like, "Papagena's available! Get down there, in character!"


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

I know I've been moaning about the bandage dresss forever, but I must say, Jennifer Garner's is not the sort of evolution I had in mind. I know, there's no pleasing me.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

I hate the term "confection," but Jessica Biel's peppermint-stick sundae is just that! In the best - not tooth-aching - way.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Jewel is drifting perilously close to Peaches 'N Cream Island (what, you haven't heard of it? My Little Ponies run wild.)


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

And then the sweetness started to go full on-Mattel: exhibit A is Shea Curry's beribboned shoes.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

B? Among others, Sandra Taylor's "pendant."


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

C? Melissa Rycroft, presented sans comment, with judgment.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Although, whatever, the film is called Valentine's Day, and looks saccharine: maybe Kathryn Le's just getting in the mood!


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Emma Roberts, as usual, knows how to be sweet without going saccharine. Clean lines keep it crisp!


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Her aunt approves.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are date-night demure. Now he'll buy her a soda.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

And I weary of the single arm, but Louise Roe's is as lovely as it gets.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Rebecca Gayheart: pretty maternity chic. Seriously, pregnant women invariably look awesome these days!


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

Okay, if Garcelle Beauvais can't pull off this dowdy-length-plus-bootie thing, no one can. I motion to retire it.


Valentine's Day Premiere So Sweet It Will Make Your Teeth Ache

People like Valentine's Day for different reasons. As Anna Kulinova reminds us.



[Images via Getty]