In less than one week, Apple is expected to unveil some thingamajig that will be like a Kindle from heaven and supposedly save print media. What this new gadget might be called is where people might have an issue.
Recent evidence suggests that this divine new product will be called the iPad. Obviously, this presents some immediately troubling connotations — as opposed to a word like "notepad," a single letter "i" doesn't give us enough emotional distance from the "pad" part of the package. Nevertheless, Apple has very recently pursued trademark rights to "iPad," so this may be a brand-name we're going to have to live with. Rather than point out the maxi-padded problems with this, we're going to suck it up and accept our potential fate. What might we expect from the awesome new iPad?
• Intense visuals, including three-dimensional clotting.
• Hardware tough enough to withstand leakage.
• Attention-getting aesthetics — sleek Winged Design™ will turn heads.
• Pets will love it...especially dogs.
• Stay-put adhesive — stick it in the palm of your hand and leave your other hand free!
• Convenient disposability keeps pipes unclogged.
• Customization: scented vs. unscented, light vs. heavy, pink vs. purple.
On the downside:
• Only the flimsy "teen" model will be small enough to conceal in your hand.
Related: More Evidence iPad Is The Apple Tablet's Name [Gawker]