Come with me across the pond to the National Television Awards held at London's O2 Arena, where Big Brother contestants, EastEnders actors and, of course, Jordan roam. Their plumage? Gaudy.

We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Heather Mills continues the unfortunate trend of Maleficent purple.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Kym Marsh is another fan.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

How are you guys feeling about this paper-bridal department, as modeled by Kate Hudson at the Golden Globes, and here by Amanda Holden? Coldly girlish, no? I just made that up.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Does Danni Minogue not feel like black and white and red all over skews a tad Minnie Mouse? Not that there's anything wrong with that.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Cheryl Cole, Warrior Princess (but in romantic mode.)


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Not enough people just dress like saloon madams these days outside of those old-timey photo studios at tourist spots. Beverley Callard is setting out to change that!


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Myleene Klass, meanwhile, has an immense dragon-fly around her neck. Just sayin'.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Michelle Heaton - "pop singer, television personality, and sometime glamour model" - seems to have different wardrobe requirements as a professional slash/slash. Specifically, slashes.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Louise Redknapp's epaulets were one of the major events of the evening.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

As one of you pointed out yesterday, silk charmeuse, while often lovely in person, invariably looks tawdry in pix. And yet, celebs know they'll be on camera, so shouldn't that factor into their decision? Fearne Cotton makes me ponder this anew.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Here's one thing you gotta say for Katie Price: she's one of the few people in the world who wouldn't be totally worn by this monstrous-scaled floral.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Joanna Lumley is one of the others.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Jane Torvil's frock and shiny hoisery are how heroines of Judith McNaught romance novels always seem to dress.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Barbara Windsor is dressed kind of like the demented fairy godmother we all secretly want, the kind who's not averse to a cocktail because it's always five somewhere in the world.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

I'm not normally nuts about the openwork-vee, but EastEnders actress Kara Tointon is really working it!


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Big Brother contestant Sophie Read, in what is apparently a Reddi-Whip jacket.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

Tiana Benjamin's sexyface is completely out of control.


We're Deeply Confused By The National Television AwardsS

And this is weird.


[Images via Getty]