Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Today we learn that Angelina Jolie likes orchids and sex toys; Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are friends with benefits and a hot shoot for W magazine; Nadya "Octomom" Suleman thinks surgery is "cheating."
"My Diet Secrets."
Baby Mason was born December 14th and this is his FOURTH tabloid magazine cover. Even stranger: We still don't care. Anyhoo, Kourtney Kardashian talks about how she designed a limited-edition belly bandit, which is like a wrap you wear on your abs after giving birth; hers is black and lace printed for a "sexy, stylish look." QuickTrim is mentioned in this article because she's basically contractually obligated to talk about it, but she's not taking it right now because she's breastfeeding, and, um, babies don't like QuickTrim or something. Next: Katy Perry asked Rihanna to be a bridesmaid in her wedding to Russell Brand. A source says, "Rihanna replied with a 'yes' and a bombshell: 'I'll be next.'" Taylor Lautner took his ex-girlfriend, Sarah Hicks, who is not famous and just some chick, to Olive Garden in LA and this is news. Finally: Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are "friends with benefits," according to a source. At the Golden Globes, she felt "proud" standing with Gerry and thinks he might be the man for her after all.
Grade: F (silverfish in a stack of newspapers)
"My New Bikini Body"
It's been one year since Nadya Suleman had 8 kids. She says: "People are like, 'Oh, you must have had some surgery.' No way. I would feel like I cheated! I don't care what other people think, but I wanted to prove that I could do it on my own naturally." She went from 270 lbs (while pregnant) to 120 lbs. And she doesn't seem to have any stretch marks or scarring! She says she isn't wearing any face or eye makeup in the shoot and she also skipped the spray-tanner. "Really, I wanted to show that who you are is enough. You don't need to have surgery or color your skin." As for what happened to those stretch marks, she says: "I used creams with growth hormone to stimulate collagen production. And Vitamin C. That's my secret. I put it on my face, too." It goes on like this for eight pages, (see image 7 for an example) and she talks, in detail, about her workouts and what she eats and the babies. All we can say is DO NOT WANT. Moving on: Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper are installing a nursery in their new $4 million home. A friend says, "Renee has been beyond ready to have a baby, and she thinks Bradley would be a fantastic dad. She could get pregnant at any time — if she isn't already!" Watch out! Just walking down the street, it could happen. Jessica Biel is getting "very friendly" with Lupe Fiasco; they both climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro and Lupe is "taken with her." Blind item: "Which actress isn't really such a sweetheart? She recently shredded a pile of clothes her off-again boyfriend had left at her house and sent him a box filled with the scraps." Sean Penn and Tobey Maguire tried to find a lady for Jake Gyllenhaal at a party at Chateau Marmont: "Four model-types walked by, and Sean said, 'Ladies, have you met Jake?' The girls came over, and though Jake was a little shy, Sean and Tobey carried the conversation until he opened up." Tiger Woods has been breaking all the rules in rehab: Sometimes he participates in group therapy and meals with other patients, but most of the time he blows off therapy and stays in his room or hits the gym. He's even left the grounds to visit his mom, who's staying in a hotel nearby. He says he can't wait for it to be over and is doing it for his public image, which is what he cares about most. Rihanna's new man, Matt Kemp, has a violent past: His ex, actress Felisha Terrell, took out a restraining order against him in June 2008. She said: "He is violent and I am afraid." She suffered verbal abuse and threats, and he used his friends to intimidate her. Angelina and Brad got into a "screaming match" over how to discipline the kids. Angie "lost it" and told Brad the kids were hers and he should butt out. Lastly: Lady Gaga is unlucky in love; her only relationship is with her fans.
Grade: F (dust mites on pillows)