Last night, MTV aired two frickin' hours of Jersey Shore, during which a lotta shit went down involving eating disorders, pickles, stalkers, DIY T-shirts, and dancing (and falling) off furniture. In 16 soundbites, the cast will tell about it.



"That's a fuckin' sensitive subject." — Snooki
With only one week left in the house, the roommates had had enough of The Situation, and began finding his idiosyncrasies—which have since sky-rocketed him to fame—annoying. Snooki was the first to say this, and in retaliation, Sitch made a dig at her weight. Instantly, the rest of the roommates took her side, as they all are apparently aware that women's body issues are, like Snooki says, a fuckin' sensitive subject.


"I'm concerned about Snickers' eating habits from here on out." —Jwoww
Jwoww has a heart of gold beneath those bra-less breasts of hers. She has so many endearing qualities, like when she ashes in the sink in the bathroom at the Tropicana. She always makes people feel like they're at home.


"You're gonna try to hit me? I was hookin' up with some girl tonight, just like I do every night." — The Situation
Well, maybe Jwoww doesn't make all people feel at home, particularly those she punches. This week it was The Situation. Vinny said that if she had hit Ronnie or Pauly, it would've been a different story, but everyone was kind of wishing that they could punch Mike, so they sort of let Jwoww skate on that, considering it a favor to them, more than an offensive to Mike.


"If you leave, I'm gonna stuff your fuckin' nose with tampons." — Snooki
There was never even any discussion of having Jwoww removed for striking a fellow cast member.


"Me and Jwoww get onto the couch. We just start dancin', havin' a good time." — Snooki
I like how she kept dancing after she fell off the couch.


"You know that some of the shit you do is a little bit on the line of embarrassment." — Vinny
It's not really as much fun as I thought it would be to watch someone try to take The Situation down a peg or two. I kind of like his runaway train of an ego, as it will inevitably crash on its own.


"Mike, you watchin'?" — Vinny


"I heart Jewish girls. Oh. My. God." — Pauly D
The girl who was "stalking Pauly's life" did come on a little too strong.


"God bless me, it's fuckin' summa!" — Pauly D


"I got to know Keith. He's a nice frickin' guy." — Snooki
Snooks finally had a little bit of luck dating in Seaside.


"I'm not trashy—unless I drink too much." — Snooki


"My boobs are so tight I can't breathe." — Snooki


"Obviously you're a hot guy." — Snooki
How is that obvious? His face is blurred. Although the blurring on Snooki's crotch does make her vagina obvious.


"I delivered a freakin' calf from a cow." — Snooki


"Go back to New Jersey." — Random drunk chick
But they're in New Jersey!


"I'm just freakin' out because we have two weeks. I'm starting to like really love all of you, and I just want to like hang out." — Snooki
This actually could've been me saying this to my television. I'm gonna miss yous!