Welcome back to Midweek Madness. May we read the tabloids so you don't have to? This week's specials: Kourtney breastfeeds with implants, the Jersey Shore kids get makeovers, and Lindsay finds the missing chunk of her thigh.
Kendra lost 20 pounds in three weeks and you can too! All you have to do is push a human out of your vagina. There's a picture of Kendra holding her baby with one arm and a two-pound weight with the other, but I refuse to scan it. You can check out Jennifer Aniston's Christmas card instead (image 7). She donated money to Doctors Without Borders, but only to send a secret message to Brad, obviously. Next: OK! claims Kate Hudson dumped A-Rod because he's still in love with Madonna. A source reports: "She gave A-Rod three chances to stop contacting Madonna. When she found out that he was still calling and texting her, she hit the roof. How would you feel if your new boyfriend kept calling his ex?" Well, that depends. Is my boyfriend's ex Madonna? Did you hear that Rihanna is hooking up with Kanye West? SORRY, IT'S NOT TRUE. Lastly, in an exclusive interview Snooki of Jersey Shore reveals, "I really don't tan because I'm half-Spanish so I've got that year-round tan. I was adopted."
Grade: F (Eating mayonnaise out of the jar.)