Boxing Day sales reportedly attracted a record number of shoppers in the UK — some no doubt returning unwanted shit — which led us to reflect on whether our holiday dreams were fulfilled.
Why yes, I did get a vintage copy of the Harry Allard/James Marshall children's classic The Stupids Die (sample line: "The Stupids all had breakfast in the shower, as usual")! I also got the nice black gloves I wanted, though sadly not the longer thumbs I would need to truly fit into any gloves made for human beings. I didn't get a Hedi Slimane suit, but I still feel like I did okay.
Other staffers emerged from the holiday orgy of consumerism with mixed results. Latoya didn't get anything she asked for, and says "I am going to start sending around lists." Katy got a Kindle but not the miniature lemon tree she wanted, while Sadie got a mini-orange tree (possible trade?). One of our interns got an iPhone; another received a pair of headphones and a Snuggie (presumably not the kind with horrifying pants), both of which she requested.
Of course, there's something exciting about an unanticipated gift, and for some, the act of asking for specific things can feel a little mercenary. But it's the only way to truly protect yourself against uncut sheets of dollar bills (not returnable, I checked), pants-Snuggies, and other stinkers that will gather dust and guilt in your closet until you give in and throw them away.